Three Reasons Why!

I can honestly say there are only a hand few that really get me and who really know who I am. One person in particular I am constantly reminded just doesn't get me. He is quick to cut me down and let me know about all the faults in me. Why does that negativity seem to cut so deep? Why do I even let him get to me? Does his point of view even matter? Did it in the past or just now? How can I turn away and say that it doesn't matter nor does he?

Well I look at three reasons everyday. Three reasons why to try to find the good. Three reasons why to try and get along. Three reasons why I need to turn the other cheek and know that I am ok. Three reason why to forgive the unforgivable. Three reasons why...

Oh It Is Thursday...Day Off. Guess Again

Nothing says fun like a day off. Though yesterday was no day off. I knew in my head all the things I wanted to accomplish and needed to for some sense of satisfaction. And with the help of two very wonderful and loving people (mom and dad) we got things done. The stuff that you put off until it nags at you and even wakes you up. My yard looks fantastic!

I even had enough energy to go for a run at nite. All said and done, I was exhausted. I think I will work on the inside today and do the grocery shopping. Never ends when your a parent. Feeling better about all the craziness in my life. Learning to bend instead of break (down). Amazing how just a little organization on the outside can do wonders for the inside.

Thanks faithful readers for the love and support. Sometimes that is all we and TIME. Feeling more back on track.

Ugh

When running isn't doing it for me. Now what? Try again tomorrow? I know that if your head is there your body will follow. Well my head is at work, running kids, trying to figure simple easy meals for the kids to make themselves. Waking up in the middle of the night because T doesn't know his multiplication and C uniforn is not washed. Oldest daughter's science project is due Monday and we only have 5 leaves done. Surely not on running or fitness. I am more tired now than when I was running everyday for 3-5 miles. I am exhausted! The funnny thing about it is that it is more work than physical. That can take a lot out of you. Now if it only made you lose weight. Wouldn't that be great!

Amen

Inspiration is key. I am finding out that I have inspired a few people to do things a little bit different. That is a good feeling. Knowing that what I have done- differently-changes people and how they see them self. That is a good feeling. Confidence in oneself never underestimated. Take it and run I say. Never pass up a chance to accept a heart felt compliment. Humble oneself.

Time Will Pass...

Crazy how things work. This week has been so busy I don't know if i am coming or going. It seems like everyone wants something and they wanted it yesterday. I have tried to be efficient in all I do but when it comes down to planning things down to the minute that is too much. Friday is a so call day off but today it is so jammed pack if I hit a boat or a train it can go to pot. Now that is too busy.

Before getting out of bed I said a little prayer to do the best I can. Let go of that I can't get accomplish and be ok with the end results. Trust in the fact that I am a good mom. Deep breathes again and again and again.

Adjusting

More seeds planted yesterday. Did you ever take the time and wonder why people come into your life? Went to work praying for a change in attitude. Knew I couldn't hold on to the negative and why would I? The power of prayer. Patients came in one by one and I seen my attitude change slowly. What they had to say or what problems they came in with. My job is worse than a bartenders sometime. It is amazing what an ear will do for some people. And why not because that is all we need sometimes. Spit it out and then we can let it go. Sometimes that simple. Glad I can help but in reality they where helping me!

Asking For Help...Screaming

When things turn for the worse and you don't know how to fix the problem. You wouldn't even know where to begin. What do you do? Run away? Na that didn't work. Problem still there and bigger yet. Now what? Who do you rely on? Who do you call?

Working on the past still! Holding on to ill feelings. When do we let it go? Time? There has been a lot of that. Deep breaths and one more. Seems to help? Not so sure. Trying to stay positive for the future. God brought me here and he will get me out. Faith! Huge.

Let It Rain...Not Flood

Trying to look at the positive today and it is raining. Basement is flooding and I am scrambling to clean it up. It was cleaned a year ago and everything was off the basement floor. So how did that happen? Laziness I guess. Sometimes we are forced into looking at that which we don't want to. Kind of like a problem that we sweep under the table and it keeps resurfacing until we hit it head on. Fix the problem so that you don't have to deal with it anymore. That would be nice. But what if you don't know what the problem is or how to go about fixing it? Stew!

Yep been pondering the wet basement for years. Keep it organized and up off the floor and you mask the problem. But the rains come, as they always do and wet is the basement again. Things are picked up for now, guess I will go for a run. No it won't solve anything but I do my best thinking there. And You and I know that this isn't about a wet basement at all!

Wake Up and Go

Decided to dis the am workout knowing that I will be home early to get in a significant run today before I have to run someone somewhere. It has been two weeks of pure hectic and doesn't seem to be getting better. I thought I would get in some routine and it would feel better. No. Weather is getting colder and I want to just hibernate. The cold seems to go right thru me. I guess it is time to put away tanks and shorts and get ready. Why I am fighting it so bad? Because still haven't found that winter hobby yet.

Deep breaths again. Waiting for the wave of happiness when all things just flow without a lot of hard work. Auto pilot if you will. Tired and need a break.

Sunday Come and Gone

Well this morning woke to a beautiful sun rise. Quick to get the paper and drink some coffee. I love to do that and miss it so much since I dis the paper. Now I have to get dressed and go get the paper. Hate that. Went to Church with Joe and M. I do miss my kids when they are not able to go. It was a great service. The Pastor talked about marriage and he assured us in the next four weeks he is going to talk to us "single" folks too.

After service, I was quick to plan my so called day off. Grocery shop first. Boy it is funny how all summer you can go without so much of this and that and then school starts and you can't seem to just wing it. The bad thing about not having the kids go with you is that you have to carry it all in by yourself and that just plain SUCKS! I put a way the colds and was quick to go get the grass cut. The sun was out and I wanted to enjoy that. Hour and half later off for a run. I thought a quick one but I know I have to get back in the swing and I had the time to do a long one sooooo. 6 miles later I was home. Shower quick because children will be home and hungry. Dinner and cleanup and bribe with ice cream if they all pick in and help with the rest of the groceries and dinner dishes. Cool the house is looking ok and I don't think I will be a panic in the morning. Throw some clothes in the wash and off to bed.
Whew. I am tired. Crazy life, my life, who wants to be a part?

Weekend...Rest. I Don't Think So

The weekend finally here and we made it. What you would think is that the running comes to a end and things can get done here. Not so fast. The kids will be waking up to go to Meijers and finish up the school list that I forgot to buy. New shoes that they have to have. And you know that it isn't just pencils and erasers but disinfectant wipes and index cards. We are supplying the overworked and underpaid teachers now. Public school is not free anymore.

As soon as the shopping is done, it is off to football pictures for T. Then go get some sort of nutritional lunch. During the game at some point, I will be leaving to get C to his game at a different location that will begin during the middle of number one son's game. Immediately after C game, their dad will take them all to the place that they will be racing MX on Sunday morning. They go the day ahead so that they are prepared for the next morning that starts at 8am and continues Thur 6pm. Whew did you keep up with me. Yes, this is my life and I wouldn't change it well yes and no. Trying to get Casey involved in something, but seriously not sure I can squeeze any more at this time. I would if there was something she would want to do. She is a great supporter of her brothers.

I am opting not to go to the races on Sunday. Feeling of guilt have come and gone and will come again. But I need to stay home and make my house a home. Friday I started to clean but I need to cut grass and grocery shop. Yes I do realize that my children come first and I don't need a clean home. But clean home=clear head. And that is what I need! I feel pulled in all directions and that is not good for me and for my kids. They will suffer if I am running around like a mad woman on Monday morning. And the practices all start up again. Fall ball and football season just started. Not to mention that homework will be flooding in. Running and biking is there any time for that? I have worked so hard and I don't want that to fall to way side because once again the kids do suffer. When momma isn't happy no one is happy.

Wow huge thoughts for a early morning. These are a few on my concerns. Trying to keep it all together before I loose it. Trying to do what my shrink told me 8 years ago...journal. Lucky yous. You never thought you would be a part of my healing did you?

Disappointment...Not Mad

We expect it to happen all through life. But what to do when it happens unexpected and without warning? And from someone who is suppose to up hold and stand by. As parents we are suppose to be the strong ones. The one who don't let you down and can deal with all of the unexpected. Well we try but at times we fail.

I heard a patient of mine tell me that I love my children too much not to let them fall and make some mistakes. Let them learn in small ways instead of in the back seat of a police car. How true is that!

Dealing with my own disappointments too. Who do we turn too? The only one who is there all the time...God. Glad I finally found him.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I Made it ...Today

Well the day started out at 430am. Amazing how that internal clock still knows when to kick and when not too. Start with coffee and gazell and update with the news. Quick to get in the shower and then start the big breakfast that I cook every first day. Then 615 rings and the boys are up. Wide eye and ready. "Can we watch TV ?" Ok lets go over the rules for school~No TV on school days. Then what do we do for the next hour? Well I don't know but Im sure there is alot to get ready for.

Bus suppose to be here at 640am way early and I will not make the kids go if it is that early. So we wait and the bus arrives at 700am. "yes this is the time I will be picking up the boys." Great I don't have to to drop them off because you know that eventually it will get later and later and then I will be late for work. I can see the writing on the walls. So two mad boys go to school. That is ok and they will get over it and do until tomorrow.

Come home to run in and get two boys to practice. One one way and the other the other direction. Both have a practice at 530 and I get out of work at 5~sometimes. So rush here and there to go home to find the eldest sick to her stomach and head pounding. Lay down and I will stay with you. But I promised the youngest that I would come and watch him play for a while. So wait til the ones get sick and then feels better and off I go. Hoping she will fall asleep for a while.

Now 730 and I am home and no dinner yet. A thought is all I have right now. So start and it will all fall in place. In the meantime the first son comes home from another practice and need some jewel necessities and can't play football until he has them. Well it is now 8 and no one has eaten yet and we still need showers and go over all the paper work sent on the first day. "Oh yea I can run out and do that." A cup how does one even get fitted for that? So a quick call to Jaja-he will know what to do and usually has the time to do it. Thanks dad!

Ahhh finally everyone in bed and we did it. All to do it again tomorrow. Forgot to get stuff for lunches PB &J for tomorrow. That will be fine. As for the rest of the supplies needed that is a Thursday job when I only work half a day. Don't know how you working moms do it. Challenging that is for sure. As for now all is well and it is time for bed. The saga continues.

New Phase

Well new phase starting again. Summer is done and I have no idea where it went, or even what we did. School starts today and I like the kids have mixed emotions. Ready to get back to a schedule. But want to be able to go when I want too. But I qguess you can't have it both ways?

My routine has been a little off lately. Have gotton into some bad habits that it is time to nip it if you will. I am a little bit lazy with the running. Only doing it 5x a week and not taking it to the distance like I did before. Maybe a bit burnt out on that one. Going to get back to the basic. Waking at 5am and doing my gazell for an half hour. I am starting to pay my children 25 cents to remind me to do my sit ups at nite and 25 more if they do them with me. Looking back to losing the weight that was hard but maintaining is so much harder. But I have core and that is what tells me take a brake but get right back to it the next day. Well the next day is here and I am ready to get back to the basics!

Setting some new goals. Weight training is one of them. Going to look into a membership for the whole family to Delta. The kids can swim and I can do some weight lifting. Toning is on my list. Cancun is right around the corner and so is 40. Doesn't seem to bother me or does it? I am sure I will be writing on that one is the future months. Well for those who have stuck it out with me through the non writing times~I am back. No I don't think it will be everyday but I think it will be more than once a week. So continue on with me and lets see where this phase takes me.