Hmmmm

Learning these days to live day by day. There is no for sures. Learning to wait for things- change can happen in a minute. Trying to find fulfillment in a job. Wondering why things happen and what is the meaning behind. Trying patience-some times time is all it needs. Growing in ways not sure I ever would. Seeing things thru others eyes- opening. Learning that it is ok to say no. Or ok to let it not be a family decision but a parental one. Ah life learning things and then realizing that it just doesn't matter in the long run. or at least in seven years. Deep breaths!

Pour Me Another...

Ran in the rain today. Why? Because it is something that I have to do. Do I want to... yes and no. Would I like to just be fit and not do anything about it?...yes stupid question. Why does it come so easy to some and hard for most? They must struggle with those things that we don't have to struggle with. Kinda like those who have great looking hair but ugly teeth. Why are we never happy with all we have to offer? Why do we always shoot for that which seems to be out of our reach or really hard to obtain. Or even just a everyday mountain that we must climb. Weight truly a everyday issue for me and those in my same gene pool.
Trying to be ok with who I am but not stopping and staying here. Fine line I must admit. Feeling good- for the workout is in and over and I am getting back to where I was. Good feeling but one that just stays and festers in the back of my head. Not wanting to return to the one that didn't feel good about one's self. Feeling that keeps me on the wagon. Do you get that??????????

Heavy Sighhhhhhhhhhh

I know that I do make some decisions for the right reason even though to some it may be wrong. But to those it seems wrong- don't live here.
I am a mother who loves her kids and at times may know more then they think.
I too am a former wife to a man that loves his kids also. I too need to let them go when they are with him and hope that history has taught them something.
I have given them the basics for now. I have loved and continue to love them no matter what they decide.
I need to go with "gut" sometimes and not look back.
I need to pray with all the decisions that I make for them and me.
I need to not take things personally from those whom don't love me.
I need to realize that which is important and that will not matter in seven years anyways.
I need to only understand me.
I need to know that I am loved and that is the bottom line.
I need to know that there are those who will never understand me but they never really tried!
I need to know that everyone does not love everyone.
Random thoughts that had to just come out!

Nothing But A Suitcase

My husband just recently blogged about stuff and and that which he brought with him. Trying to fit in and seeing what it is all about. I write today and being on the receiving end of that. Trying to help one fit in and feel welcome. Trying to give up some of the leadership role. That is a hard one for me. For the last several years, I was forced-not asked to take on a role that in no way did I want. I was content on walking the shoes that I was given. But then in a blink of an eye, it changed. Forced into being the mom and dad all in one being. Being the good cop and bad cop. Not ideal but who lives in an ideal world anyway. I think I was handling it all well but who wants to deal with that all by themselves-true fully ???NO ONE!
Isn't funny how at times we are forced to change? When lessons have to be learned and it is time to learn them. I believe that things come about for a reason. Maybe we have become too settled in our life? Not going to grow when we are firmly planted.
How do we deal with change. Oh sometimes kicking and screaming. I know I did. But it all seems to work. And then some change comes about on free will. The kind that you have been preparing for. But in all the preparation time, there are those things that you just can't seem to see coming. It all looks like it will fit until it all actually arrives. Then where do you put it? Places seem to become cramped and filled. Time to reevaluated the needs and wants.
All members of family are gone this weekend-cool time to shop. Was excited to go out and see what I have been missing. I was quickly disappointed. I have the time. I have some money but all I ran across just didn't seem to fill the need. I am ruined for life. Shopping just isn't what I need. Good and bad at the same time. How many shoes does one need?
In my preparing for the additions to the family and going thru all my "stuff", I have found that I really don't need much. That is a good realization. I can understand the way of older folks now, if they need it -they buy it. And really isn't that how it should be?
Stuff is stuff. I think Joe put it so well when he said that the old man only brought a suitcase. How many suit cases do you have?

I'm Here

Thought I was gone didn't you? na just been X tremely busy. More than usual. Getting up at 5 in now a necessity not a luxury. If I need to get all seven of us up and out of the house that has to start at 5. Another bathroom is definitely needed. It is on the list as soon as Joe gets a permanent job.
Still trying to find out where everyone is and needs to be in a given day, crazy. All in all everyone is adjusting well. There is alot of give and take here. Everyone realizes that all have to pitch in or it just doesn't work. Jobs change daily do the needs of the family. The funny thing is that it is ok. It does work. And all will be ok in the end. Lesson learning all over the place.
Back up a couple weeks. The wedding went well. No I think it went great. Alot of planning and stressing went into that one. I just wish the nite was longer. I believe all had a good time. Some had more fun than other (sheri). I had a lot of behind the scene help and you know who you are. I am truly grateful. The honeymoon was much needed. But we both realized that we didn't need all of that in the end. We were ready to come home mid week. That I think is good. We need God and family second and that is how it should be.
Lots more to do being married but lots more to share also. I am learning more and more to take each day as it comes because looking beyond that is most overwhelming. So today is a day off but that doesn't mean I will be sitting eating bon bons. Kids have appointments and I have much needed cleaning to do. And the best thing about it, if it doesn't get done today, tomorrow is less than hours away. Overwhelmed ? Na-very full filled!