Ponder me some...

I think it maybe time to start to repost. So much stuff going through my head. So many words un said. Do I keep them there for a reason or should they be said out loud. No sure. Life has many changes, many seasons. What season am I in? What was important to me at one time is slowing fading. Winter is always hard for me. I crave the light and warm airs of spring. I long for the energy it brings. Forced energy is draining. Forced optimism is even worse. Searching for meaning. Age or faze?

Ohh to "my little friends"

Pain killers can be friend and foe all at the same time. Day of surgery: leg feels good well too good. Is it what was done or pain meds. I took my meds faithfully yesterday to stay a head of the game. Even set my alarm to take some last night. Nope didn't need to that I have been up every two hours like clock work. They dang pills always have opposite affect on me. That is why I hate to take anything. Finally decided to go up stair and sit in lazy boy. Leg is definitely hurting now and no meds til 4. I am not sure if they really even work. They make my head woozy but still have that ache. Got ice on it now and that seems to help. Maybe try good old fashion Motrin.

Being so called laid up really makes you realize how much you do in a day. I can't remember the last time I just sat on a couch and did absolutely nothing. No folding laundry, no running to the kitchen to stir this or that. No running kids here or there. Nothing. Not sure if I like it or not. Just thankful I can move. Well gonna try and close my eyes and see if I can't grab a wink or too.

4 Years Ago

On this exact day 4 years ago I started a blog, a journey. I was walking today and I realized this was the day I began to write. Oh how far I have come. I am not saying I am there but I am better off where I am today than years ago.

I haven't written in a while. Well I have, I just haven't put it too print. Why? Fears? Uncertainty? I am continuing on my journey but it has taken a different path. I have been trying to find out who I am in Christ. Ok before you turn away, finish reading.

You have to know that only God and God alone can make you happy. Oh I have tried it in my biking, my running and even in my family and Joe. But people will continue to let you down. And I TOO will let others down. Oh not on purpose but we do. The only one who will remain the same as today and tomorrow is God.

I recently was trying to figure out why I was unhappy? For a while I blamed not running. I blamed my staleness at work. I blamed my husband for not loving me the way I loved him. Then as I sat in Church, I was filled with joy, life and newness. You see when I am in the Word all sadness disappears. There is not a trial I can not face if I have Jesus Christ in my life. I use to be afraid to share my faith. God is helping me with that. What does it matter if someone rejects you for your beliefs in HIM? What matters is...is it pleasing to him. I have testimony that He works in me and through me. Please don't get me wrong, I am not a bible thumper. I want you to know that I have a relationship with my God. I want all who read this that that is what is important!

God will walk with you through all things. He has been there in my past and he continues to walk with me. Ask God to be a part of your world and he will.

Life is still Good

Well as I finished the new calendar for the next two month I realized, divide and conquer. One day at a time for that is all I have. I have to set small goals for the day. It is just when the time of the event spills to the next event. I believe me that is how tight the schedule is. Work has been a blessing. We have been jam packed. Thankful- yes for the prior months, I wasn't sure I was going to keep all the hours that I have been working. Feeling the blessing in that. Lately though, patients have been needing that extra TLC. That extra touch, either encouragement or deeper scaling. Whatever the reason, I haven't been getting out right on time. Then I need to adjust the rest of the day. That is really when life gets busy. Work is the easy part. Did I just say that? Yesterday was a great example. I didn't get home til 530, and I knew that I had to get in a 5 mile run and then be to the concert by 7. Well with a quick kiss I was off. Feeling good, I finished with 4 miles under my belt and half mile walk to cool down. 640 and I quick shower and off to the concert, only to realize that it wasn't til 730. So back to home for a quick bite to eat. Dinner that my loving supportive husband made for he is backing my new running schedule 100%. Hmmm God has my back. It all worked with a slight adjustment.
Now today well I am going on a wing and a prayer. Four different places to be all between 5 and 7. Decided to eliminate a run today and show up to only three for a little support. Deciding super mom is not who I am and that is ok. Hug and kiss them and tell them I love them. So glad it is not my week to run them. Know that I will soon be the one next week and we will make it. Glad I know how to work a schedule. Life is still good.

Life is Good

Just when you think that life will slow down a bit. Wham. Just got schedule for baseball games. Wow you should see my calendar now. Color coded in three different colors. Only over lapped about every other day. Carson team now has double header because they only have 5 teams in their league. Trystin's team plays as late as 745 at night because they have lights at their field. Casey meets are still at 4 pm that I will continue to miss because of work. She has a make up one today and I will be able to see that one. I have worked magic to get her next home one off well at least out at 4. Zach is doing bowling and I want to get to one of those too. My phone calendar is lit up like a Christmas tree. Pat has been very good in helping me get the boys to practice for that starts at 430 every day. He is the side coach for Carson team. Joe continues to search for full time employment. But got to say it is nice to come home to dinner already done. Grocery shopping started or at least the essentials bought. Laundry started or finished depending. This next two months is going to take a lot of planning and working it. I have already relied on good friends that their kids play on the teams. But only today I will worry about. Work, run, track meet, hair cut and sushi. That is all today. Good thing I only work til 2.
Did test drive a new car for 40 visa card yesterday at lunch. Tomorrow going to another dealership to test drive a different one for a spa card value of 40 also. Working the free bees. Going to credit union to deposit $10 to get a $10 i tune card. Signed up to be a mystery shopper at the credit union to make $25 for my time. Becoming creative to save a buck. Mom you would be proud.
Waiting for the weather to get warm so the running can be done in the morning before work. Also planning on riding bike to work. Exercising and saving gas all in one. Ok got to go now. Only 4 lunches today to make. Yes!

Heavy sigh...

Crazy little life. Still running on full speed. Many tell me to enjoy and I am not saying I am not. But when you look at things, aren't those things that you really enjoy the things that go slow? Walk in the park, drinking a cold drink on a hot summer day, that first real kiss. Yep I rest my case.
I knew that my life would be crazy when I started having kids one on top of the other. Others warned me it only gets worse. I am not saying it is worse, I am saying I just want to remember some of it.
Waking up today I have a list of things that have to get done. Day off and no day off. I am just trying to see what comes first and needs to get done and what would just be bonus if I accomplish it. Trying to decipher the needs and wants. Got a list a mile long. Waking early with so much on my mind. Didn't even feel like I slept last night. It is so cold outside and wind is whipping. If the weather would just turn nice and stay, that would make life a little easier. I hate running in the wind especially cold northeastern wind. It BITES! I don't want to drive out to the gym cuz gas is expensive and it takes a lot of time that I could use today. Staying home and running would solve a lot of problems.
Thinking I am going to make a list. Divide it into 3 days and go.
Ok no psych analyzing here just needed to vent!

Race Day

Up this early on race day. Ugh. Still get nervous for these things. Not sure why. Just need to finish. Stomach is knotty. Doing the 8k instead of the 5 this year. That could have something to do with it. Shouldn't worry though, I have been in training. Should go good. Weather is suppose to be decent. Kids seem to be excited too. Carson has been doing some running but Trystin thinks he is just going to glide through. And he probably will. Casey has found that the whole Kayner group will be walking so that is good. I have even inspired some of my non exercised co workers to walk. That is good too.
So the day will begin with Church at 9. We have a recording Christian singer there today. I believe the music will be amazing. Then we need to bust butt to get home and get ready. Drop Joe's kids off to friends for viewing the race. Immediately after race, need to get boys to their float that is in the parade that starts at 2. Then after the parade instead of non traditional polish pizza, we are having corned beef and cabbage. Not sure how that one is going to go but...
Warp speed continuing today. Next week I believe a break is needed. Not sure what that will entail but need to slow down and just be. For now going to enjoy my coffee and the quiet morning. Maybe even watch a little Joyce Meyers. Bye for now.