Big Steps

What exactly makes one say that's a big step? What are we comparing too? Steps in one's life. Big, medium or small but they are all steps. Steps into making life a bit happier. Steps in making life have some sort of meaning. When my kids where younger I watched rolls turn into crawls and then steps turn into runs. Steps that needed to be taken so that the rest falls into place. Oh yes, steps can be scary. But then again what isn't the first time we try something new? And what if we don't take that first step, we may not learn how to run. Glad I took the first step.

Pocket full of What?

Sunshine! That is what i jammed to while running. What a concept. We all have the ability to be sunshine even on the cloudiest of days. Attitude, attitude. Got to love it. Choices, choices. We make them everyday. Now to have choices with attitude! Priceless I think.

Observing Quietly

The beginning to an end. The last day of school has bitter sweet taste. Great no bedtime~good for them bad for me. I still have to work. Im bored will come within the first week of being off. What can I do and work is not an option. Though they have shown an interest in making money this year. Probably because mom won't pay for all their wants. Not a bad thing.

All their wants~and I do mean wants. I sat yesterday at a ball game and I heard a constant whining of "mom Im hungry could you get this or that". This wasn't my boys either. OMG you boys are suppose to be playing a ball game. Back in the day (and I did play baseball with the boys) we sat on the bench in the dug out and rooted on our team. There was no contact with your parents, for your coach was the most important person out there. You listen to him and only him. What has happened to the respect? We are losing it? Or are we as parents, coaches, adults not expecting it?

I have recently learned through a friend the importance of respect. Respect that children should have for you. Respect of a significant other, respect of oneself. We are a point in this world that it is not just given, it needs to be asked for first? When did that change? When you where an adult it is just there? No questions asked. Now it needs to be earned? Why? Have our standards sunk so low? Are we less that we have to ask more?

Or are we raising our children to be less respectful? Giving them more of everything has that lead them to expect more without working for it? Tough love~I believe in it. But as I look around at others, I am not so sure I am in the majority. Give, give and give some more~does not make Johnny a rich boy but it may make him "fat".

Quietly making observations at the ball game.

Run Baby Run

Inspiration. Where does it come from? When you just don't have anymore to give-there it is. Someone or something giving you the will to go on. Move forward when it seems so up hill. I want to inspire people. I feel that I have the power to do that. And what a good feeling to know that you made the difference in someones life if only for a brief moment.

I look back on all that have inspired me on this journey. I look to all that continue on it with me. I have talked of life being good if we let it. I am happy and healthy. I have great kids. I have friends that would carry me if I need it and do. I have a family that supports all my good, bads and uglies. I have a special guy that helps me with my spiritual growth. Life is good.

Who Gave You Permission?

Ever have those days when you just feel Fat? Why is that? When you self conscience is not what it should be? Why? What changed? Could it be the weather? Could it be the atmospheric pull? Why do we allow ourselves the right to think negatively? I know that is not good and not what I need. Do we need that constance approval from outside forces? And when it is not there, then what?

Time to look within and seek what got us here in the first place. God! Remembering that we are nothing with out him. It is time to lean. Time to regroup. Time to remember that we can do it with and only with the help of him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

What a beautiful weekend. The weather was to die for. Having no particular plans ended up having the options to due what ever I felt like. I had a lot of sun and R&R. Had good company too. Even planted a garden and cut grass. So there was some labor there. Ready for summer to begin.

Four days left of school for the kids. Can't wait for that~they are ready and so am I. Two days of work this week~can't beat that with a stick. Good times good times.

Into the Night

Well a few people know that for the last several weeks I hosted a mama mallard duck and 6 eggs in my rock garden. At first I thought about shooing her out of there but when I seen the six eggs, I knew that they where there to stay. How long I have no idea how long it takes for eggs to hatch. So I and kids patiently waited, avoiding mom's resting area. The grass was six foot tall around the rock garden. But I knew the day would come eventually. Well yesterday I caught a glimpse of two little tiny eyes starring back at me. One duckling sat quietly next to mom. It was a beautiful sight. Going back for a second look all I could see was mom sitting with alot of movement below her. So I went on with my business. Now the next morning I look and there nothing more than a feathered bed with six broken shells. Where did they go and I wonder if they will return? In the field I heard a distance quack. There was mom but I didn't see babies. Did they all make it? Surprisingly enough I feel abit of a loss. They where only ducks and I didn't even have to care for them or anything.

Makes me wonder when my ducklings leave...do you feel a sense of loss or pride that they are ready to take off and make their way into the world? Makes me wonder if Im preparing them enough for all that they will come in contact with? The good, bad and the ugly. Iam trying to help them to see all the "good" situations bring. End all problems on a good note, even if it was hell to walk thru it. We all walk through hell but it is how we view it that makes the difference. One step at a time, looking up instead of down. One day, one step at a time, moving forward not looking back. Feeling confident in your decisions that you make. Knowing you deserve the best. Moving toward it. Taking chances that lead to happiness. Taking steps. Heaven just could be the one step that you didn't take.

Looking Back

Thinking about where I have been and how far I have come. Still surprises me the road that I have traveled and made it through for the better. Seeing the good right before my eyes when it comes to my ex husband and our relationship. Seeing that we can and do work together for the better of our children. Seeing the kids love both of us equally and not being threaten by each other. My hope is that he sees it too. Just pondering life once again. Peace out!

Problem solved...half way

Your life is ever changing. Sometimes we don't view the changes as a big deal, just part of everyday life. What seemed to be so important last week has faded into the next week and we move on. All worries gone to resurface another day. I had a patient come in the other day, she was 91. I am always quick to ask them the secrets to life. This woman lived on her own and had all her faculties about her. She was quick to say "don't worry". What? That is it! Ok how do we do that? That seems like a very tall order. If you know me~I worry about everything. Why do I do that? Am I even getting better with that? There are days I just throw it up to God. There is no sense worrying because what will be, will be. Oh I think it is that control thing again. Working on it. Plus I think it is a patience thing. Not too good at that too. Working on it. Well at least I am aware of it.

Knowing we have a problem is half way to solving it. Right?

Heavy Sigh........

Boy oh boy I am sick of being sick. I finally got over my cold in seven days and boom on the eighth day sick again. I am tired and weak and just want to do nothing. But is that even possible~nothing. The kids need to be fed, the laundry needs to get done cuz the boys have two games this week, not to mention they are the late games and it gets freezin at the field. End of the school activities that you promised you would attend. Oh the drive to run is so great that you can't stand yourself if you miss a day. But you are dying when you are running because your just plain tired. Or the snout is dripping down your face; not pretty. Your internal clock wakes you at 4 because it doesn't see that you need the rest. Oh the house that is another story; it's a mess.

Long weekend coming up and no plans. Sounds like the need for R&R. Resting in the hammock in the sun sounds like heaven right now. Your not suppose to get sick in the summer but then again can we call 40 degrees summer. Or wind that bites right through you~summer. I think not. Looking forward to rest.

Hot Dogs and Marshmallows...Too Many Points To Count

Nothing like a fire. What is it about a fire that makes you just sit back in your chair and drift? Get lost in the flames. Kids love it too. Don't play in the fire or you will pee the bed? Is that true or just a reason to quit them playing with fire? How come hot dogs taste better in a open flame? And marshmallows yum. Ate about 3 of them yesterday. No smores forgot that one. Ah can't wait til every nite is warm. Just easier to go to bed then.

Miss camping. Waking up to the warm sun on the tent. Getting so hot in there that you had to get out of it. Wow childhood memories. Wonder if my kids will think back when their my age and smile. I hope so. Making memories~I think.

20 Something????????

Liberty Bridge and back! Even up the bridge and down. Wow Im tired but feel great. I feel like im 20~no wait I didn't even feel this good when I was 20. Well that is today. I feel good today but isn't that ALL we have~TODAY! Yep think so. Ready to tackle another race. Well first I have to cut grass oh that damn list! Chow.

How Does that Happen...Overnite?

I went to bed last nite and I woke up to a disaster. The house is a wreck. How can that be? We haven't been home enough for it is become dirty. I think that people come in in the wee hours and just make it a mess. But how can that be I don't sleep very long but they do a lot of damage in a couple hours.

What to do, what to do? Make a list and start with what needs to be done and what can wait. Start with that which will ease my mind first and then continue one. Running is at the top. Then cut grass if weather permits. Then all the inside stuff is next. Oh lots of paper to burn need to make a fire and have smore's to boot. Oh forgot that at the grocery store, did remember toilet paper though. Wow random thoughts no wonder my house is a mess!

One Cat Kicked!

Wow who kicked your cat? Isn't that how you feel at times when you greet some one and they are quick to snarl at you. What did I do? I just called to say hi,boom~ a yell, a punch, a gerrhh. Thanks but no thanks don't deserve it and will not take it on. Then what do you do? Wait to hear from them again hoping that they realized that they "dis" you for no good reason or do you reach out and hug them. Telling them they are loved no matter what. But what if that continues to happen time and time again. Then what? You know that you are not the one it is directed at but you always seem to get in the line of fire.

Stay clear for a while, maybe. Take a break from the relationship, maybe. Tell them how you feel, maybe. Blog about it, hoping they read it. Guess so. Cat kicking stops here. Luv you.

Not Today...Eventually...Maybe

Isn't it funny how the calender just magically starts to fill up? One minute you look and you are free to go and do anything. Then boom there is not a spot open to do anything. Why are summers so busy? Trying to work the "chore" things in are just not happening. I need to paint my porch, don't want to. Need to plant a garden~want too but trying to find time when weather is good and kids are home, another story. Wash windows, you would think once a year wouldn't kill me. Go through kids closets well that is a rainy day thing but it seems something else comes up.

When 24 isn't enough what to do? Deciphering needs and wants can be challenging. Dos and have to dos is another story. I guess it comes down to what I can live with. That is the one nice thing about being single. There are some benefits! But sometimes we are hardest on ourselves. Our own worst enemy. It can be nice to hear "oh that can wait" or "you don't have to do that". Permission to loaf.

Once again, making a list and checking it twice~no its not Christmas yet but it is only roughly 285 days away. Cathy I did say roughly. You are the one to likely count~due to the fact of Sheri's 120%. ha ha

Honesty...did I ask?

You looked haggard! What did you say? Can you believe that my patients have become so comfortable with me to even say that. I was cleaning a patients teeth yesterday and this was the first patient that I told when I joined Weight watchers. She too was a fellow ww person. I was quick to suck up all the info that she had on the program. I was so embarrassed about joining but this was a basis stranger and I wanted to know all about the program. During the hour together, we made a pack that we would see "less" of each other the next time we met. Well long story short, we did meet up 6 months later and I recall she gave me the good job and you look great. We talked more shop and that was it. Well at least I thought that was it.

Now roughly 6 months later she returns and I was very excited to see her. We exchanged our comments of success and she was quick to say "you look good". The last time I was here You looked haggard. So there I was, a little confused. I was quick to look at the date that she was last in. Was that a day that something would stand out? Nope can't think of anything. So questions come up in my mind~Why say things if we don't mean them. Just say nothing. Wasn't that what we were taught so many years ago. "If you can't say anything nice~don't say anything at all."

Or have I become family with my patients? Family can get away with not abiding to the sentence above. Why do we feel we have that right? Or do we feel that we are helping in the long run? Why do we tend to hurt the ones we love the most? Is it because we have that unconditional thing going or the never zero thing too? Do we expect more from a stranger or from our family and true friends? Hmmmmmmm.

Honesty is the best policy? Depends if you want your gums to bleed. Ha ha just kidding. Got to laugh. Have a great day and give a well deserved compliment! We all love to get them.

Day After

It is hard being a mom. Don't know about being a dad cuz Im not~well the more I think about it I am. Being single parent has posed a lot of different things. The so called gender problems that one parent would quickly say "Go ask your dad or get you dad to do that."

I am quick to say that girls can do all that guys can do. But it's those things that I just don't want to do. Hang shelves in room, yep can do~don't want to. Make a school project that has levers, pulleys and springs~nope not my bag. Now you need 25 cup cakes by tomorrow ok can do. All we need to go to the store and shop for clothes I am your man. We need to make a house out of candy been there done that.

It is nice when you have someone to share the duties. Someone to listen and understands all that your going through. Someone to say it all does work out in the end. Patience is a virtue they say. By the way who is "they" and why do we even listen!

Not What You Think

What to do when the big picture becomes a bit cloudy? Waking up on race day at 3:00am and you know that you need more sleep but it seems to elude you. Location, location, change your location. Na that didn't help. Hot tub that is a good relaxation, na didn't work. Sit down at computer and blog it out~maybe.

When unforeseen "stuff" pops up. What do you do? Normally, evaluate it and muddle through but what if your not at the top of your game? A bit under the weather~then what? Energy to fight just isn't there and coffee isn't doing it because you can't take taste it any way. Then what? Throw in the towel, not really in your make up. You have worked hard to get where your at. Giving up doesn;t really look good on you. And I have always said before "it all about the LOOKS". Well I have said that but really does not apply in all situations.


So you have signed up, paid the fee, and you know you should continue the journey that you have started. Do your best! Remember it is not what others think it is what you know to be true. Sticks and stones does not apply here. Those who know you will understand this whole journey. It is not one simple race here. It is a life time of races yet to be won!

Peer Pressure Alive and Well

And at almost 40. Can you believe that. Why you ask? Well I have found that I run alot better when I take a very visible route. Go down a dirt road and I notice that Im slouching, struggling and going less than pace. Why? Because no one is watching and critiquing. When I run I know people are watching and talking because I do the same thing. So I run a little faster, a little more upright and even try to look like I m enjoying it. It is the times that I get caught up in the music and I want to do a little dance or put my hands up in the air. I try not too but have been know to do a little chime and shake. Got to chuckle because it is then that I catch someone watching.

So when it comes to running, you will find me on a road travelled by many. Less traveled not an option. At least in this case. Gotta run.

Got To Sweat It Out

Well took the advice of sis...Sweat it out. 6.5 miles in less than a hour with full garb on. Sweat did I ever and feel good for doing it. Funny as that sounds there are a few things in life that we need to sweat out. Not to take the easy way out. Isn't the prize a bit sweeter when you did the work? Isn't the meat a bit taster when you made the kill? I think so. Take the road less traveled because the view maybe a bit prettier. Something to ponder a bit. Boy I stink~need a shower!

IM NOT SICK!

Well I have managed to avoid all types of sickness this winter until now. What~it is almost summer and I got a what...cold. No way I took my airborne as soon as I had a scratchy throat. I went and got in a hot tub when I was chilled. I ate good. Sleep~well who knows about that one. Washed my hands a gazilion times. Went to bed with peppermint oil and slept good. But noooo, it still had to rear its ugly head. And right before race number 3.

Well what to do what to do. TLC! I may be slowed but not out of the race. Time to reboot and restart. Listen to my body and rest when it says time. Slow down a bit. Drink lots of fluids. Maybe even a little chicken noodle soup. Does that really work or is it there just to make us feel better? Just kinda of homey, warmed and loved. Maybe I am working too hard? That is a good one! Well if I am a little off don't get miffed. I don't deal with sickness too well. Give me one week and I will be better. Top of my game again. Continuing on my journey, stuffed up, hacking but definitly not dead!

In the Darkness

The house is quiet. Time to review the day. Say a little prayer for peace. Try to stay positive in the day. Reminding that there is always sunshine even if we need to stretch beyond the clouds. A smile says alot and its free.

So today, dance like no ones watching and sing like you know the words. I do that all the time says my daughter. Funny how your kids ground you. Enjoy today for we don't know when it is our last.

Let's let it

End of the school year and life is getting a little crazy. Ballgames, concerts, and field trips are on the calender. Grass needs to be cut again and I said I wanted a garden again this year. I some how feel the need to stay home this summer. Riding the bike is fun but it doesn't seem to be that important. Life is ever changing and I have to give it that respect to do so.

Someone told me recently we are ever changing. A while back I thought I was alone in that. It seemed to me that I was the only one changing. No I just put it out there. A good friend reminded me that this is my blog and if people didn't like what I read then they won't read it. Wow how true. My daily counselor if you will. And all your comments are taken in to consideration. Always welcomed~good, bad and the ugly.

So waking up today I am quickly reminded all the things that I need to do this week. I say a little prayer to let God know I need a little help to make it through the day. I bit a peace in the stress of it all. Trying not to take advantage of my good fortune but to rejoice that life is good. If we let it. Hey today let's all let it!

Time To Change

If all works out the looks of my blog has changed. It was time. New and improved but still in the works. Be patient. It is a process and a journey.

Oh the Little Things.

Isn't it the little things that count the most. The things that cost little to no money. A hug from a child when you made a good meal. A wink that shows you know what one is thinking. A response "your not going to wear that are you mom"? A pat that says you did a great job. A kiss on the fore head. A conversation in the sun while swinging. A quick phone call to say how ya doing?

It doesn't take much to know you care. Or to show that someone cares for you. Life is short...tell them, show them or hey even text them. All sorts of ways to communicate with the ones we love. Did you tell that someone how much they mean? Today might be your last. No regrets.

When the Music Dies!...?

Well that is what happened. I set my mind to a 6 mile run. Ready to go, got half way and my mp3 died. Whoa bummer. If you know me~music way important to my run. Now that I am half way into a 6mile what to do. Well I got to get home and walking is not an option and I can't hitch a ride sooo... I sing. Internally of course. If you know me, I don't sing very well. Well better than my sister but not good.

Makes you wonder, you have the will power, the know how, and the guts and the music dies. Give up I don't think so. That is not an option I like to look at~all to often. Improvise maybe. Take a alternative route~maybe. Or just believe that you where made to do great things and make difference in others lives. You continue on the road. Your a little tired and worn but you arrive. Glad you didn't give up when things didn't go as planned.

Finding out when to bend and not break...PRICELESS.