Christmas 08

Presents all opened. Smiles on some faces. Kids seem to be happy with what they got. Even I did a bit better from the kids this year. I think that they are starting to shop instead of an ex who would have rather not in the past. But what does that all mean? It is just stuff. I miss being around family. This year was great having my parents home for traditional Christmas Eve. Traditional dinner except for the candle lite what up with that? Na it was for Sheri. It was good. It meant alot being around family but missing one.

Christmas morning was pretty much the same. Carson wakes up at 5am and wakes Tris, whom than come down and ask constantly "Can we wake up Casey?' I keep putting them off for I was up at 345am and I feeling the need to dose again. I said "6am is the time. But wake her up gently because she will baulk! " But T does not hear those words and goes in her room singing "its Christmas " at the top or his lungs. Cas screams,"Get out of my room!" And Carson comes sit down by me quietly and says" she not going to get up til 9am now." I said "I told you to wakes her up slowly". Trystin disgustedly comes back to the living room and says "it your turn Car! " Now Carson has to do damage control. Finally after some schmoozing she appears.

This time they all agree on one at a time opening. Wow are they growing up? I get to finally see all their faces when they open their gifts. That was great. It took close to an hour this time. That was fun. After all was said, T buried his face in game boy, Carson went right for the drums with out the head phone and Casey just sat there waking up. I think I did good. I hope I did. We will find out 25 years from now when they are all writing about it or in therapy.

Glad it came, glad to see it done. All together that is all that really matters.

Who Are you and Where is My Mother?

That was the question asked when I unexpectedly took my kids out to a restaurant. Oh no not just some fast food place but sit down. The youngest started out with why are you spoiling us this close to Christmas? The fact was that it was getting late, I just got out of work. I was tired, and hungry and I didn't want to cook. I didn't want to eat junk. I had a gift certificate to Applebees. They have Weight watchers menu. Simple! So it was an open and shut book to me. And I was "fun" mom for a moment. Win win.

Simple things that seem to matter. Time spent. Undivided attention for at least an hour. No hustle no bustle. Someone waiting on me for a change. It is all good.

Wishing all who read...Enjoy. Sit back and breath it in. Merry Christmas. Give Him praise and worship. The best of life is ahead. No regrets. No what if? Only the present! Love you all.

Pondering Once Again

More and more snow on the way. I love to see it this time of year. But Im cold. Feel the need to stay home with a blanket. Only one more day of work. I believe that Im ready for the big day. It is true that when the kids know it just doesn't seem that exciting. I thought before that when they found out then I would get all the credit. It doesn't seem that important any more. Values are changing. Money is important and needed but not in the same way that I viewed before. We are only the handlers of it. It is not ours but we need to know how to dull it out.

Life lessons being learned on a daily basis now. Growing, changing and learning why. Crazy what motivate who and what . Simplify. Less is needed for happiness? Thinking?

Bar Hopping ... On Skiis???????

Well, I did something I never did before and found a new passion. I have been telling you that I need a new sport or form of exercise to do in the winter. Running in the snow is hard and cold. Joe bought used cross country skis this summer. Friday nite we tried them out. I have tried it in the past and knew that it is a workout. So we bundle up for a nite of skiing and bar hopping. Three local bars in two in a half miles, that shouldn't be bad? Well started to get going only to find out that we had on one too many layers of clothes. Thanks to mom and dad and my new thermal gear for running. We were sweating in no time. By living on a main drag, we were forced to stay over on the bumpy gravel area until we hit the town. Sludge and rock salt not so good for skiing. But once we got our groove, we were moving and shaking. We had our favorite running music in our ears but that was quickly lost for I couldn't hear a word Joe was saying too me. And what a beautiful nite, the snow was still falling gently from the sky. There was a sense of peace in the air. No need for music tonite.

Hit the first bar and the people were dumb founded in what they saw. It was great. We met one of Joe's friend there and we were quick to pass off one of our last layers, for him to tote in the car. After a totty, we were off to the next which was a little less than a mile away. Joe was starting to experience a blister at this point. Me-I was doing great. I was so wrapped up that I was working out and doing something fun with the one I love. This is something that binds Joe and I. One of those things that is important to me is also equally important to him. We both worked hard to where we are. Weight will always be a constant issue in our lives. If one slips I hope the other pulls back.

Stopping in for number two and than off again. The next bar was less than a half mile away. Meeting up with Joe's friend again. It definitely was not about drinking tonite, I was more thirsty for water than mix drink.

That was great fun. Entertainment for the night and exercise to boot. Never in a million years would I think I would do that. Learning that exercise can be fun. Enjoying my life and what has become of it. Thank God that he let me go through instead of around. Realizing that patience does pay off. Remembering all my reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. Grateful for all. Knowing that THEY all served their purpose. Grateful for all. The GOOD, the BAD, and ugly. All a part of my journey. Grateful for all. Hoping that they too are on their journey.

New blanket of snow this morning and I need the paper. Only four miles to 7-11, and back hmmm.

Anticipation...

Half inch on the ground and your what??????? Calling off school, you 've got to be kidding.
Anticipation...expecting, wondering with joy or dread. It is in all how you view it. Kids-joy, moms and dads that have to work or get that last minute stuff done-dread.

Well good thing that I don't feel either right now. There is nothing that I have to get done. I do need help with the snow and my house needs an overall good cleaning. Six extra hands not so bad? Or is it? Time to spend some extra time with them because we have been so busy with life. Plan on snuggling for awhile and then shoveling out. Got to work at 11 but hoping the center will be closed. Hope to get to a snow hill too. Working out today will be shoveling and sledding.

Looking ahead to the holidays and planning (cause that is what I do). Trying to fit in all of what I normally do and accommodate what Joe does too. Seems to be working. Alot to organize and remember. Glad for the most part, that our schedule is pretty much mapped out since it has been seven years now. Seven years, wow hard to believe that it has been that long. I wonder if the kids remember it any other way? I know that Car does not because he was only two but I wonder if Casey can even recall? Boy it makes you think. Have you created those "special" memories? Will they look back fondly on them and tell their children?

I remember waking up to all these packages in newspaper. We would go through and sort them by names. And somehow they all seemed to be even. No one really got more than the other. Except the year HE came along. I think I definitely got more that year. No wonder I am in therapy now. No just kidding mom and dad. I think I turned out fine- no great!

Hmm wondering what it will be like in ten yrs? Traditons will change. Kids will be grown. Circle of life continued. Pondering on a snowy day. Ahhhhhhhh

Scattered?? Hmmm

Craziness, craziness go away. When we do not allow it to control us. Trying to deal with that now. I do real good with it from 5-6am and then it seems it is out the window again. All good intentions that I am not going to yell but breate when the crisises arises. Trying to put a smile on my face when I want to scream. Hard to do. Trying to remember what will matter in 10yrs and what won't.

Trying to figure out how to get all I want done without denying my children. With the way the schedule is for all the practices and we need to go here and there, and we need to workout because that is important too. And work ah work, why does everyone wait til the end of the year to get their teeth cleaned. I added two days during the holiday break and it took a day to fill. I usually don't work that but the kids will be with dad and bills need to be paid so...

I need to just start again and live for the day. Savor every moment and realize that it is -what it is. Be in the present. And not remembering that I have a million other things that have to get done. But they can wait. Scattered right now. Can you tell. Need to let it go. Give to God.
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Ouch. That Hurts!

Remembering when I started running in the winter of this year? Not sure when I started but I forgot how much it sucks to run during this time of year. It is cold and the wind is howling. My ears hurt though they where covered. It must be that inner ear thing. Because they truly hurt. And my lungs-ouch. I have to get some tips from those who choose the outdoors to the comforts of a treadmill.

I have to return to the thoughts of is it worth it or not? In my journey, I see a lot who start the weight loss road and quickly jump off or give an excuse that they will start again on Monday. I don't want to go that route. I have travel this far and there IS NO turning back. Desire to stay and be better than the day before. Just because it is Christmas time does that give you a reason to eat those cookies? You got to want-to want it. This is who I am. I have made choices to get me here and I will continue to make choices to stay here.

So time to get back on the gazelle and back to the gym. I don't have as many layers to keep me warm now. Time to start a new program. It is getting close to the first day I began a blog. Time to revamp, for things in my life have changed. I need to flow with those changes. Not regress but recharge!

Continue on with me for my journey is growing, changing and evolving. The sky is bright if we choose to take off the glasses!

Enough is Enough?

Hustling and bustling since I have been back. No fun running around and feeling the stress that is all around me. Still not feeling 100% since the trip. A bit unbalanced literally. Trying not to get caught up in the craziness of buying and buying more. When do you say when. Kids are older and price tags are more money. But when do you say enough?

In the past, I made it a point not to out do the other parent. I don't think I could if I tried. My kids have always had more then enough. Looking at the pile of "stuff " I have for them I am content with what I have but have I taught them the art of being grateful for what they have and what they receive? Not so sure of that one. Oh my kids are not brats but have they ever known what it is like to go without? Do I?

One to ponder I think. I truly believe I have enough "stuff ". Well I would like a large fry pan.(hint) Because when I have the extended family over I have to use two fry pans for the potatoes. But for the most part my "wants " in this world are few. Stuff doesn't make or bring happiness. We create it. Knowing what one is grateful for-that is enough!

I wish you "enough".

Good Times Good Times

Probably didn't thank you enough. But I would have been lost in a foreign country with out you. No idea how to speak the language. Figured that my sign language sucks too. Yes you were right -should have look at the book Spanish for dummies! Thank you for the great birthday gift. The spa will much be remembered. Who would have thought only knowing me for one month that you would take a trip out of the country with me. Must have been crazy!

I am grateful that you where along side of me. Much fun much fun. When you want to do it again?

Say What You Mean

Well when I decided to plan this trip, I mentioned it to a lot of people. Friends and Family that I wanted to make my 40th a memorable moment. And that is what I set out to do. Lots chatted that that would be a great thing to do. But unfortunately few went. Prior commitment, unexpected happenings, or never thought I would go in the first place. Whatever the reason, the ones that went had a good time, I think. I know I did. Thanks for all who where there to celebrate with me. For those who did not-well 50 is just around the corner. Na won't wait that long. Life is short. Rejoice in it, embrace it, and celebrate it.

Eat Drink and Drink some More Then...

My stomach hurts and I don't feel so good. Well not me. But I feel like I am on a boat. Dizzy and light headed. Hmmm inner ear from snorkeling? Not sure but will keep eye on it.

The best part of my trip...full body massage and aloe Vera banana wrap! Nothing lavish but pure enjoyment! Started out to the spa jungle. When I say jungle I mean it. Not scared going in because we took a taxi. But the return well I will tell you about that in a minute.

Met up with Sandra a U.S. local of 20yrs. I was relieved because me and the Spanish language not soo good. We talk awhile for the Mayan women prepared for us. We found out that the people that work at the motels only make 300 pesos every two weeks that is roughly 30.00 us. The Mayan women made more at this spa place. We paid 60.00 for a full body massage and aloe rub and where wrapped in bananas leaves. It was one and half hours of pure relaxation. Best part of my trip.

Leaving the jungle another story. We were guided out of the jungle by a young boy to the main road. He didn't speak any English. Once we hit the road side, he told us wait. Only minutes passed but it seemed longer. It was hot and dusty. Final a short bus (van) came by. As it stopped the door slid open. Joe gave him some money-no idea how much and we weaved in and out of slum filled roads. Dwellings that seemed to be habited but not more than a few two by four and tin roof. The drivers in front would yell out to their buddies and stop to chat awhile. I thought we would never make it to the high way. The only thing that I felt safe about was there was a woman and two young kids on the bus. That was a long trip. Scary.

Home never felt so good.

Swimming or just Floating

Went snorkeling for the first time. It was an experience. But it happened to be on the coldest day of our trip. Somewhere in the 70's and wind and no sun. Brrr. Oh I know you feel bad for me but think of our tour guides, they where freezing. Crazy Americans was echoed.

Drank only a half gallon of salt water-Joe alot more! Glad I went but thought I would see more colors. Still feel like Im on the boat. Or at least in the ocean floating in the waves. Good times good times!