Trying to decide if it will really matter in 20yrs. The very strong wind woke me today, one hour before I normally am up. Stretching I begin to remember all the worries I went to bed with. Kids and school top on the list. Home work is hard for the boys. Trying to fit it all in and understand it all, not exactly working. Starts out all good and then BOOM. Trying to deal with their dad with some kind of understanding and trying so hard to stay on an even keel. Soon will be dealing with him in court, not fun. With the saying in the back of my head...Be careful what you wish for? That is an awful way to wake in the morning. So blog. Get it out and move on.
So many things on my mind. Trying to weed through and figure out if it is stuff or STUFF. But isn't it all just stuff. There is a bigger picture. What is important. Be a good person, do the right thing, take the high road and it all works out. Give yourself a break because we ain't perfect. It is one thing to screw up on your own life but when you got the back of three others...UGH! Hoping when they are older, they realize that I did my best-with what I had-at the time. Don't want them to go into counseling for years because of something I did or didn't do for that matter. Just want them to know I love them.
Mom Dad ...You don't have to worry I know you did your best. I know that I am loved. I turned out perfect. Thank you. Hopefully along the way, I have let you know this many time throughout all the' trials and wins ' of my life. You are a direct result of who I am. As time continues on, I hope that will be of great comfort when the road seems to get shorter. It all works out for the best. Sometimes it is hard to see that through all trees. And there is a lot of trees right now where I stand. I hope all your trees are nicely trimmed and groomed.
Will it matter in 20yrs? NO? Yes? Not so sure? Still on the fence!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Race Day
Well Friday night, the day before the race and Joe made a scrumptious meal. Blackened salmon and Indian rice. Yum. Full of antioxidants and protein. I knew I would need that for tomorrow. I am not one to eat before a race and especially this one. So we set the alarm for 5. You could begin to set up the transition area at 6. Well I didn't have to worry about that I was up all night. Between the high winds and crashing waves and the train, I heard everything. So excited was not a word that would be to describe me but I was up and ready. It was still too dark to see the water so we continued on to set the bikes. I only forgot a few things which made me go back to reset. Joe (more prepared than I). Forgot nothing. He was ready and all t's crossed and I's dotted. Hard to believe someone more ready than me. I think I met my match.
Well anyways went back to camp and it was getting lighter. There where white caps! It was cold. With the wind I think it was about 45. Water was a chilly 58. So with a few announcements and a prayer for 9/11, the game began.
First was the half iron men and women, 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike and 13.1 mile run. WOW. Then Olympic people next, not sure of the distance at this time but long too. Then it was our turn...quarter mile swim (13 laps or so) 13 mile bike and 3.2 mile run. Seems a lot less but believe me, it is a challenge. So in to the water I go. Can't feel my feet in less than a minute or so. Off we go. The water is very shallow. Most could walk the first half. I tried to swim but many walkers in front, so I walked as long as I could touch. I then began to swim. The waves were crashing over my head every time I took a breath. (Oh my God I am going to die.) I came around the turn around and I thought I need to get to shore. I started to work my way inward and I came up to a guy on raft. He was out there to have a rest if you need it. I did! I grabbed hold and took some breaths and rested. It seemed like forever. I started to see my group going on and I didn't want to be alone so I took off. I realized that side swim would shield me away from the in coming waves. So that is what I did. I couldn't wait to get to where I could touch and then it came. It seemed like hours I was out there but in actuality it was less than 15 minutes. I started running up to shore and passed the timing mat. I was on land!
Now sprint up to transition which is across the road and behind G's pizza. I was less than 3 minutes to remove wet suit and dry feet and put on new shirt and I was on the bike. I don't think I really started to think about anything until I was out of the town area. It was warmer and I started to enjoy that which I was going thru. I was passed by many but I didn't care. The swim was out of the way and I could coast now. A quarter through the race and there was a girl off the road, working on her tire. (off). I asked if she was ok, she said yes. I thought of stopping but with a tire off, there was no way I could help. I continued on. A bit up the road, another girl off the road, "Do you need help?" Yes. Ugh. I knew in my heart that if it was me I would want someone to stop. So I did. Chain all kinked up. I tried to figure it out. But nothing I tried worked. She finally told me that her husband would be coming soon. So I got on and continued. There was only one large hill that we had to conquer. I knew that coming back that hill would be time to rest. I was very happy to see the turn around. Even though the biking was quite easy, I knew that the 5 k was a head of me. Running had become very challenging for me this summer and I just wanted it too be done.
So coasting into transition once again and less than 1 minutes there I was off and running. Side note...I had one co worker and two very good friends and their daughter cheering me on all the way. They where loud and very visible during all three events. I am thankful for that. Support during this is key! Another side note, I passed Joe on the bike event about half way. They started after the women in the water. I almost missed him.
So off and running. Well I wouldn't call it running, my feet where still numb. They felt literally like jello. I felt like I was standing still. I made it to big boys(restaurant) and made a turn. Surely I was half way done. No upper around a blinded corner was a mile marker 1 mile. Are you kidding me? So I continued on. I was tired. I was looking for Joe. I should pass him soon, I thought. Finally at the 2 mile I see him. We meet in the middle of the road for a quick kiss. Then we both where off again. Ok now I am on a straight away to the finish. One mile to go and it is done. I want to finish strong so I walk for a bit. Regain my strength and go. Less than a quarter to go and the crowds are there. Cheering. I hear my name but see no faces. I know they are there but I just want to finish. I sprint across the line. I am a finisher of a triathlon. I am proud. I set a goal and I did it. So sweet, so happy soo tired! Rachelle, Michelle, and Jamie where there to hug and congrats me. And the tears began to fall. WOW Emotions of every kind...feeling. I composed myself and waited for my husband. What seemed to be forever, I see him. He finished too. I was so proud of him. His knees are shot and he still did it.
After taking a break, we went out for lunch with our good friends. I just wanted to rest and enjoy our anniversary day. Mid way through our lunch, Joe pulled out a box. He told me that he wanted to continue on our journey. I was super surprised to see and anniversary ring. It is a thin band of diamonds that compliment my wedding ring. It is beautiful. If you know Joe, frugal doesn't begin to describe him.
I am very blessed in so many ways. I am strong. I am looking a head for the next tri. It will be in 2011. I know I can and I will continue. I know that I have encouraged others to do it too. My co worker will be doing the next one with us. This has be quite the experience. I know that if I wouldn't have been on this journey that was started 10 years ago, I would have never been hear and writing about this. Stay with me and enjoy it too. The best is yet to come!
Well anyways went back to camp and it was getting lighter. There where white caps! It was cold. With the wind I think it was about 45. Water was a chilly 58. So with a few announcements and a prayer for 9/11, the game began.
First was the half iron men and women, 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike and 13.1 mile run. WOW. Then Olympic people next, not sure of the distance at this time but long too. Then it was our turn...quarter mile swim (13 laps or so) 13 mile bike and 3.2 mile run. Seems a lot less but believe me, it is a challenge. So in to the water I go. Can't feel my feet in less than a minute or so. Off we go. The water is very shallow. Most could walk the first half. I tried to swim but many walkers in front, so I walked as long as I could touch. I then began to swim. The waves were crashing over my head every time I took a breath. (Oh my God I am going to die.) I came around the turn around and I thought I need to get to shore. I started to work my way inward and I came up to a guy on raft. He was out there to have a rest if you need it. I did! I grabbed hold and took some breaths and rested. It seemed like forever. I started to see my group going on and I didn't want to be alone so I took off. I realized that side swim would shield me away from the in coming waves. So that is what I did. I couldn't wait to get to where I could touch and then it came. It seemed like hours I was out there but in actuality it was less than 15 minutes. I started running up to shore and passed the timing mat. I was on land!
Now sprint up to transition which is across the road and behind G's pizza. I was less than 3 minutes to remove wet suit and dry feet and put on new shirt and I was on the bike. I don't think I really started to think about anything until I was out of the town area. It was warmer and I started to enjoy that which I was going thru. I was passed by many but I didn't care. The swim was out of the way and I could coast now. A quarter through the race and there was a girl off the road, working on her tire. (off). I asked if she was ok, she said yes. I thought of stopping but with a tire off, there was no way I could help. I continued on. A bit up the road, another girl off the road, "Do you need help?" Yes. Ugh. I knew in my heart that if it was me I would want someone to stop. So I did. Chain all kinked up. I tried to figure it out. But nothing I tried worked. She finally told me that her husband would be coming soon. So I got on and continued. There was only one large hill that we had to conquer. I knew that coming back that hill would be time to rest. I was very happy to see the turn around. Even though the biking was quite easy, I knew that the 5 k was a head of me. Running had become very challenging for me this summer and I just wanted it too be done.
So coasting into transition once again and less than 1 minutes there I was off and running. Side note...I had one co worker and two very good friends and their daughter cheering me on all the way. They where loud and very visible during all three events. I am thankful for that. Support during this is key! Another side note, I passed Joe on the bike event about half way. They started after the women in the water. I almost missed him.
So off and running. Well I wouldn't call it running, my feet where still numb. They felt literally like jello. I felt like I was standing still. I made it to big boys(restaurant) and made a turn. Surely I was half way done. No upper around a blinded corner was a mile marker 1 mile. Are you kidding me? So I continued on. I was tired. I was looking for Joe. I should pass him soon, I thought. Finally at the 2 mile I see him. We meet in the middle of the road for a quick kiss. Then we both where off again. Ok now I am on a straight away to the finish. One mile to go and it is done. I want to finish strong so I walk for a bit. Regain my strength and go. Less than a quarter to go and the crowds are there. Cheering. I hear my name but see no faces. I know they are there but I just want to finish. I sprint across the line. I am a finisher of a triathlon. I am proud. I set a goal and I did it. So sweet, so happy soo tired! Rachelle, Michelle, and Jamie where there to hug and congrats me. And the tears began to fall. WOW Emotions of every kind...feeling. I composed myself and waited for my husband. What seemed to be forever, I see him. He finished too. I was so proud of him. His knees are shot and he still did it.
After taking a break, we went out for lunch with our good friends. I just wanted to rest and enjoy our anniversary day. Mid way through our lunch, Joe pulled out a box. He told me that he wanted to continue on our journey. I was super surprised to see and anniversary ring. It is a thin band of diamonds that compliment my wedding ring. It is beautiful. If you know Joe, frugal doesn't begin to describe him.
I am very blessed in so many ways. I am strong. I am looking a head for the next tri. It will be in 2011. I know I can and I will continue. I know that I have encouraged others to do it too. My co worker will be doing the next one with us. This has be quite the experience. I know that if I wouldn't have been on this journey that was started 10 years ago, I would have never been hear and writing about this. Stay with me and enjoy it too. The best is yet to come!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day Of Rest ...Ha
Well two days after the most physical thing I have ever done. I am up and I should be sleeping. But 4:30 is in grained in my sleep pattern. Ugh. No that is good because if you would have asked me on Saturday is more Tri's in my future, I would have answered with a I don't know. But today as well as yesterday I have been planning a work out schedule. I want to do more of them.
Looking back...very exciting. I wish I had someone to type it all out. I am slow and my mind is fast. I want to write it all down to remember.
We got there on Thursday. Got a campsite right on the beach. Beautiful! That alone was reason to celebrate our first year. Swim course wasn't even set for it had been very windy the day before. Test the water out I say. Cold did not describe it. Freezing more like it. They said it was 68. A guy who was also racing had a gauge in it...62. I need a wet suit. After setting camp up, Joe went back to Bay city for a Dr appt so I had time to shop.
First place was a store that looked to rent wet suits. No luck. I continued on. Every store I entered was my first question...Do you know anywhere I can rent a wet suit? Mid way I spotted a neck less in the window that caught my eye. I walked into a art studio where a meeting of the artist was going on. I was about to walk out and they said come on in. The artist of the neck less showed me it. We got in a conversation and I asked her the question of the day. She thought she still had hers from long ago. She took my number and off I went. Not in a million years did I think I would here from her, I got a call. Rent it for 25 or buy it for 50. No question SOLD!
Now Joe's not back yet and I need to try this thing out. Still light out and a bit of sun still around but that water BRRRR!. To swim alone not a good idea but I needed to know. So I decided to swim the length there and back but not go past the buoys. So in I go. I don't feel my legs any more. Under...UGH! That was shocking to say the least. But I got to try. So I began and all the practicing I did, went out the window. I had to keep my head up. Way too cold to keep it down. I did it. It felt like hours in there but I know I was only in for 20 minutes or so. My feet well I couldn't even feel them. I walked up the beach back to our site and our neighbors had a fire going. I stopped to chat. I knew I needed to get to a shower and fast.
After rewarming my body, I felt a sense of accomplishment. To do that with no Joe around was good. I knew that I could do this. But nothing would have prepared me for the day of the race. Water temp 58. Winds out of the south west I think. Cloudy and waves that where 10 feet, I hear. But more on that later. Work is calling. Stay tuned.
Looking back...very exciting. I wish I had someone to type it all out. I am slow and my mind is fast. I want to write it all down to remember.
We got there on Thursday. Got a campsite right on the beach. Beautiful! That alone was reason to celebrate our first year. Swim course wasn't even set for it had been very windy the day before. Test the water out I say. Cold did not describe it. Freezing more like it. They said it was 68. A guy who was also racing had a gauge in it...62. I need a wet suit. After setting camp up, Joe went back to Bay city for a Dr appt so I had time to shop.
First place was a store that looked to rent wet suits. No luck. I continued on. Every store I entered was my first question...Do you know anywhere I can rent a wet suit? Mid way I spotted a neck less in the window that caught my eye. I walked into a art studio where a meeting of the artist was going on. I was about to walk out and they said come on in. The artist of the neck less showed me it. We got in a conversation and I asked her the question of the day. She thought she still had hers from long ago. She took my number and off I went. Not in a million years did I think I would here from her, I got a call. Rent it for 25 or buy it for 50. No question SOLD!
Now Joe's not back yet and I need to try this thing out. Still light out and a bit of sun still around but that water BRRRR!. To swim alone not a good idea but I needed to know. So I decided to swim the length there and back but not go past the buoys. So in I go. I don't feel my legs any more. Under...UGH! That was shocking to say the least. But I got to try. So I began and all the practicing I did, went out the window. I had to keep my head up. Way too cold to keep it down. I did it. It felt like hours in there but I know I was only in for 20 minutes or so. My feet well I couldn't even feel them. I walked up the beach back to our site and our neighbors had a fire going. I stopped to chat. I knew I needed to get to a shower and fast.
After rewarming my body, I felt a sense of accomplishment. To do that with no Joe around was good. I knew that I could do this. But nothing would have prepared me for the day of the race. Water temp 58. Winds out of the south west I think. Cloudy and waves that where 10 feet, I hear. But more on that later. Work is calling. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Still Learning Lessons
Well still must be working on the that control thing. Haven't learned the lesson. Weather out of my control. Boy has it changed. Much cooler which is good but windy. Seriously? Whatever happened to 65 and muggy at 5 am. Gone. Wind was good then. Now the water temp has gone way down. Still I continue on. The race is not about winning. It is not about even a race. It is about what I set out to do and doing it. Stomach is starting to feel like knots. Or is that because it is the first day of school. Oh I have one that is just like me. He was up at least two times last night. So many good things I see in my kids and then the bad too. Ugh don't want them to become worrier like their mother. Still working on it. Have come a long way since me and God started to walk hand in hand. But still times when I want to lead.
Looking at all the schedules of all my kids, Joe and his kids, I have to realize my best bet is to take it day by day. There is no way I can do it any other way. None! This is going to be a very big challenge for me. Just going to have to let go of perfection and it may be peanut butter and jelly some days.
Long ago I just wanted to be a mom. Making breakfast every morning, getting kids to school, making sure the house was clean, grocery shopping. Do some stuff for my self before they all came home. But life changed and so did I. I am more than I ever imagine.
Ok four more days til race day. I am blessed. I know it. I can do it.
Looking at all the schedules of all my kids, Joe and his kids, I have to realize my best bet is to take it day by day. There is no way I can do it any other way. None! This is going to be a very big challenge for me. Just going to have to let go of perfection and it may be peanut butter and jelly some days.
Long ago I just wanted to be a mom. Making breakfast every morning, getting kids to school, making sure the house was clean, grocery shopping. Do some stuff for my self before they all came home. But life changed and so did I. I am more than I ever imagine.
Ok four more days til race day. I am blessed. I know it. I can do it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Poker Face...
I knew the day would come. I know that he is not bad. He loves them so much, I see it. I know that they love him too. I know if I was there, I would have fought a long time ago. Time is short and they are getting older. Soon they will be on their own. I know it is the right thing to do. I know I gave them my very best when I was the only one around. I know it was challenging to say the least. I know that they will not be with me for much longer. I know that they are torn when we talk about it. But we are both their parents. They will be missed when they are not here. SAD is not a strong enough word. But that is the cards and I need to make a poker hand out of it. Learning that one from my dad. Thanks dad.
New Chapter.
Well what was suppose to be a big week of running, biking and swimming has really not worked out at all. Only ran 3x this week, swam once and biked not so much. Kids events came first and priorities followed. I am just glad I have been working hard at least four weeks prior. I really don't know how people do it. Find all the time to train, work, be a mom and wife and everything else. I knew that to get the run I had to do it when no one was up. That way I was only taking my time not any one else is. This weekend consists of getting new shoes for all. I have been wanting to do that for weeks and some how things got in the way. Figure out all school schedules and what they need to begin. Oh and did I mention hair cuts. And to squeeze the last bit of summer out before Tuesday. That means boating, campfires and cook outs. Wow I can't wait til the first day. Then all that laundry. Home work. Practices that they can't miss. Maybe splitting time with there dad won't be so bad. Can't take it personal. I was blessed to have them to myself for 10 years. I hope it made a difference. Heavy sigh.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Getting Closer
Tri suit is in. Well at least I m not going in this for looks. Went swimming in it yesterday. Running in it today. One pieces never did fit very well. Not sure anything else will dry as quick as this. We will see.
Today begins count down. Sept 1st and only 10 days left. I remember this time last time and count down was also beginning. I wonder if( no) I know that this event is much more scary then last year. I was secure and confident in my decision. Not so much on this race. I could drown. Ha ha don't think so. Swimming I feel good in the water. Worried much more about exhaustion at the end on the run. Not sure how long this will take, never did all three at once. Sept 11 will be the first. Nervous can not begin to say how I feel. What a way to celebrate your 1st anniversary hey?
Good thing I am only working til Wednesday this week and only Tuesday and Wednesday next. I will be busy getting kids ready for school to even think of it. But come Thursday and we got our camp site then ugh! Rambling on... got to go for a run.
Today begins count down. Sept 1st and only 10 days left. I remember this time last time and count down was also beginning. I wonder if( no) I know that this event is much more scary then last year. I was secure and confident in my decision. Not so much on this race. I could drown. Ha ha don't think so. Swimming I feel good in the water. Worried much more about exhaustion at the end on the run. Not sure how long this will take, never did all three at once. Sept 11 will be the first. Nervous can not begin to say how I feel. What a way to celebrate your 1st anniversary hey?
Good thing I am only working til Wednesday this week and only Tuesday and Wednesday next. I will be busy getting kids ready for school to even think of it. But come Thursday and we got our camp site then ugh! Rambling on... got to go for a run.
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