Recharging or just plain lazy? I like to think the later. Home by myself, no one to cook for and no one to clean up after. I run around like a mad women in the day only to come home and collapse in my bed. Check the computer, that is boring. Look on the TV, only junk on. Start to fall asleep and it is only 9 pm. Guess that is what my body says it is time to do until...3am rolls around. Up and wide awake. So do the things I need to do at home. Hair dye for the holidays, check. Get on the gazelle because it is something I can do at my home, check. Thinking I even have time to hop on my bike that Joe brought in from the garage for the winter. Laundry needs to be folded. Nope don't think it is lazy, just my clock is set on my schedule not others.
There are some benefits to having the kids see their dad every other week. I am seeing the blessings. Trying to get back to me time too. That is important. It may not be time spent in the woods chasing the white tail but it is refreshing just the same. Think I am going to get my toes and nails done too this week. Because I can and it's important to me.
Dinner with friends and a little retail therapy that is all good too. Ok got to go the bike is calling my name and I have the time to devote to it.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Oh Nurse
Pain what brings it on. Many types of them. Ones you can take something for and ones you can't. How we deal with that depends on what type.
In the past several months I have watch many I love go through some terrible pain. I am not sure it is harder for the one going through or the one watching them suffer and not sure of how to calm that fear. I think for the caregiver it would be much easier for them to carry the burden. Believe me I am not one for pain especially the internal kind. Cut me all you want but don't give me any type of stomach thing. Can't handle them kinds. Now I know why I didn't go into the nursing business. For the most part I would be" come on it's a little cut. " But we all handle things differently. Emotional pain now that would be hard and when physical and emotional come together...ugh. Hard to handle.
I do believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle also. That, in the past, has helped me numerous times. In times of trials, we grow stronger. We are made to lean on others. We go through so that one day, our experiences are the ROCK for others.
As I run there are times I feel like giving up. It's too hard, it's too long, it's too hot, if it doesn't kill me; it makes me stronger. I am much stronger in so many ways. I am on a journey. I am where I am suppose to be. Giving up, not an option. Turning back, not now. Pressing forward, one step at a time. Looking up and moving one day at a time. I hope that others see and believe also.
In the past several months I have watch many I love go through some terrible pain. I am not sure it is harder for the one going through or the one watching them suffer and not sure of how to calm that fear. I think for the caregiver it would be much easier for them to carry the burden. Believe me I am not one for pain especially the internal kind. Cut me all you want but don't give me any type of stomach thing. Can't handle them kinds. Now I know why I didn't go into the nursing business. For the most part I would be" come on it's a little cut. " But we all handle things differently. Emotional pain now that would be hard and when physical and emotional come together...ugh. Hard to handle.
I do believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle also. That, in the past, has helped me numerous times. In times of trials, we grow stronger. We are made to lean on others. We go through so that one day, our experiences are the ROCK for others.
As I run there are times I feel like giving up. It's too hard, it's too long, it's too hot, if it doesn't kill me; it makes me stronger. I am much stronger in so many ways. I am on a journey. I am where I am suppose to be. Giving up, not an option. Turning back, not now. Pressing forward, one step at a time. Looking up and moving one day at a time. I hope that others see and believe also.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
REST
What I have come to know this week... After having the kids be with their dad for one week and back to my house, less laundry, less food preparation, less harping with homework, chores and more time for me. Now that they are home this week, we actually played poker and peanuts during the school week time. What I thought would be a downer, God has given a blessing. Rest in the Lord was the message last week at Church. Did I even know what that meant. These two weeks have been a eye opener. I didn't have any time to REST. I have been full time mom for 14 yrs straight. NO REST. Now may be the time for rest. To let the kids realize all that they have been sheltered from. To test wings that maybe I wouldn't have allowed. To give me the refractory time needed for their next stage of life. To give Pat (what ever God feels Pat is ready for) not for me to say. I am beginning to see the growth in all that has come about. Time to connect with my husband more. To develop more of a relationship with my Morgan and Zach. God knows I need that. Many times it takes a long time to see the good in what seems like a uncomfortable situation. I am glad I am starting to see the affects. I am blessed with much and will continue in a positive state of mind.
What about you...did you rest today.
My mom has told me many times "Give it to God and it is as good as done!" Rest in the Lord. And I DID!
What about you...did you rest today.
My mom has told me many times "Give it to God and it is as good as done!" Rest in the Lord. And I DID!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Glass Half Full
Waking up today and continuing on path that I have started to enforce in my world. I am trying to set my attitude of gratitude. I am re listening to a series title Minds, Mouth, Moods and Attitude by Joyce Meyers. We all have been dealt cards. It is up to us how we see them and what we do with them. We choose the attitude in which we see all things. We can be miserable or happy. Our choice. Everyone has ups and downs. But do you even see those people who always choose to be happy. I do. I want to be one of those people. I have begun to even before my feet hit the ground, say a little pray to be a blessing in someones life. I pray for a day of half full. I pray for the wisdom to see the other side. I pray for the ability to see that God is in control and to fully understand it. I pray for vision that in all things, good does arise.
If you think of these things even before you get out of bed, so much of life can be different. Positive feelings can make your day. Learning the day by day thing also. For anything more than that is just too much for me right now. It is all good.
I heard on tv yesterday also that don't be selfish and hog your journey, many can learn from it. Wow and to think that is what I have been doing. Makes one think doesn't it?
We are all born so that we some day can die. I want to make the difference. Happy for where I am at and very glad that God does not want to keep me here for that long. Growing, stretching and feeling good in it.
If you think of these things even before you get out of bed, so much of life can be different. Positive feelings can make your day. Learning the day by day thing also. For anything more than that is just too much for me right now. It is all good.
I heard on tv yesterday also that don't be selfish and hog your journey, many can learn from it. Wow and to think that is what I have been doing. Makes one think doesn't it?
We are all born so that we some day can die. I want to make the difference. Happy for where I am at and very glad that God does not want to keep me here for that long. Growing, stretching and feeling good in it.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Setting Goals
Now that the sports season for football and volleyball are coming to an end, think I need to make a fitness goal. I need to find something to train for. Need to get back to the pool. That will be in November hopefully when things slow down a bit. Not sure if a half marathon is where I want to go but thinking. I know it is a mind set more than anything. Thinking!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Lawn Service?
Trying to decide if it will really matter in 20yrs. The very strong wind woke me today, one hour before I normally am up. Stretching I begin to remember all the worries I went to bed with. Kids and school top on the list. Home work is hard for the boys. Trying to fit it all in and understand it all, not exactly working. Starts out all good and then BOOM. Trying to deal with their dad with some kind of understanding and trying so hard to stay on an even keel. Soon will be dealing with him in court, not fun. With the saying in the back of my head...Be careful what you wish for? That is an awful way to wake in the morning. So blog. Get it out and move on.
So many things on my mind. Trying to weed through and figure out if it is stuff or STUFF. But isn't it all just stuff. There is a bigger picture. What is important. Be a good person, do the right thing, take the high road and it all works out. Give yourself a break because we ain't perfect. It is one thing to screw up on your own life but when you got the back of three others...UGH! Hoping when they are older, they realize that I did my best-with what I had-at the time. Don't want them to go into counseling for years because of something I did or didn't do for that matter. Just want them to know I love them.
Mom Dad ...You don't have to worry I know you did your best. I know that I am loved. I turned out perfect. Thank you. Hopefully along the way, I have let you know this many time throughout all the' trials and wins ' of my life. You are a direct result of who I am. As time continues on, I hope that will be of great comfort when the road seems to get shorter. It all works out for the best. Sometimes it is hard to see that through all trees. And there is a lot of trees right now where I stand. I hope all your trees are nicely trimmed and groomed.
Will it matter in 20yrs? NO? Yes? Not so sure? Still on the fence!
So many things on my mind. Trying to weed through and figure out if it is stuff or STUFF. But isn't it all just stuff. There is a bigger picture. What is important. Be a good person, do the right thing, take the high road and it all works out. Give yourself a break because we ain't perfect. It is one thing to screw up on your own life but when you got the back of three others...UGH! Hoping when they are older, they realize that I did my best-with what I had-at the time. Don't want them to go into counseling for years because of something I did or didn't do for that matter. Just want them to know I love them.
Mom Dad ...You don't have to worry I know you did your best. I know that I am loved. I turned out perfect. Thank you. Hopefully along the way, I have let you know this many time throughout all the' trials and wins ' of my life. You are a direct result of who I am. As time continues on, I hope that will be of great comfort when the road seems to get shorter. It all works out for the best. Sometimes it is hard to see that through all trees. And there is a lot of trees right now where I stand. I hope all your trees are nicely trimmed and groomed.
Will it matter in 20yrs? NO? Yes? Not so sure? Still on the fence!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Race Day
Well Friday night, the day before the race and Joe made a scrumptious meal. Blackened salmon and Indian rice. Yum. Full of antioxidants and protein. I knew I would need that for tomorrow. I am not one to eat before a race and especially this one. So we set the alarm for 5. You could begin to set up the transition area at 6. Well I didn't have to worry about that I was up all night. Between the high winds and crashing waves and the train, I heard everything. So excited was not a word that would be to describe me but I was up and ready. It was still too dark to see the water so we continued on to set the bikes. I only forgot a few things which made me go back to reset. Joe (more prepared than I). Forgot nothing. He was ready and all t's crossed and I's dotted. Hard to believe someone more ready than me. I think I met my match.
Well anyways went back to camp and it was getting lighter. There where white caps! It was cold. With the wind I think it was about 45. Water was a chilly 58. So with a few announcements and a prayer for 9/11, the game began.
First was the half iron men and women, 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike and 13.1 mile run. WOW. Then Olympic people next, not sure of the distance at this time but long too. Then it was our turn...quarter mile swim (13 laps or so) 13 mile bike and 3.2 mile run. Seems a lot less but believe me, it is a challenge. So in to the water I go. Can't feel my feet in less than a minute or so. Off we go. The water is very shallow. Most could walk the first half. I tried to swim but many walkers in front, so I walked as long as I could touch. I then began to swim. The waves were crashing over my head every time I took a breath. (Oh my God I am going to die.) I came around the turn around and I thought I need to get to shore. I started to work my way inward and I came up to a guy on raft. He was out there to have a rest if you need it. I did! I grabbed hold and took some breaths and rested. It seemed like forever. I started to see my group going on and I didn't want to be alone so I took off. I realized that side swim would shield me away from the in coming waves. So that is what I did. I couldn't wait to get to where I could touch and then it came. It seemed like hours I was out there but in actuality it was less than 15 minutes. I started running up to shore and passed the timing mat. I was on land!
Now sprint up to transition which is across the road and behind G's pizza. I was less than 3 minutes to remove wet suit and dry feet and put on new shirt and I was on the bike. I don't think I really started to think about anything until I was out of the town area. It was warmer and I started to enjoy that which I was going thru. I was passed by many but I didn't care. The swim was out of the way and I could coast now. A quarter through the race and there was a girl off the road, working on her tire. (off). I asked if she was ok, she said yes. I thought of stopping but with a tire off, there was no way I could help. I continued on. A bit up the road, another girl off the road, "Do you need help?" Yes. Ugh. I knew in my heart that if it was me I would want someone to stop. So I did. Chain all kinked up. I tried to figure it out. But nothing I tried worked. She finally told me that her husband would be coming soon. So I got on and continued. There was only one large hill that we had to conquer. I knew that coming back that hill would be time to rest. I was very happy to see the turn around. Even though the biking was quite easy, I knew that the 5 k was a head of me. Running had become very challenging for me this summer and I just wanted it too be done.
So coasting into transition once again and less than 1 minutes there I was off and running. Side note...I had one co worker and two very good friends and their daughter cheering me on all the way. They where loud and very visible during all three events. I am thankful for that. Support during this is key! Another side note, I passed Joe on the bike event about half way. They started after the women in the water. I almost missed him.
So off and running. Well I wouldn't call it running, my feet where still numb. They felt literally like jello. I felt like I was standing still. I made it to big boys(restaurant) and made a turn. Surely I was half way done. No upper around a blinded corner was a mile marker 1 mile. Are you kidding me? So I continued on. I was tired. I was looking for Joe. I should pass him soon, I thought. Finally at the 2 mile I see him. We meet in the middle of the road for a quick kiss. Then we both where off again. Ok now I am on a straight away to the finish. One mile to go and it is done. I want to finish strong so I walk for a bit. Regain my strength and go. Less than a quarter to go and the crowds are there. Cheering. I hear my name but see no faces. I know they are there but I just want to finish. I sprint across the line. I am a finisher of a triathlon. I am proud. I set a goal and I did it. So sweet, so happy soo tired! Rachelle, Michelle, and Jamie where there to hug and congrats me. And the tears began to fall. WOW Emotions of every kind...feeling. I composed myself and waited for my husband. What seemed to be forever, I see him. He finished too. I was so proud of him. His knees are shot and he still did it.
After taking a break, we went out for lunch with our good friends. I just wanted to rest and enjoy our anniversary day. Mid way through our lunch, Joe pulled out a box. He told me that he wanted to continue on our journey. I was super surprised to see and anniversary ring. It is a thin band of diamonds that compliment my wedding ring. It is beautiful. If you know Joe, frugal doesn't begin to describe him.
I am very blessed in so many ways. I am strong. I am looking a head for the next tri. It will be in 2011. I know I can and I will continue. I know that I have encouraged others to do it too. My co worker will be doing the next one with us. This has be quite the experience. I know that if I wouldn't have been on this journey that was started 10 years ago, I would have never been hear and writing about this. Stay with me and enjoy it too. The best is yet to come!
Well anyways went back to camp and it was getting lighter. There where white caps! It was cold. With the wind I think it was about 45. Water was a chilly 58. So with a few announcements and a prayer for 9/11, the game began.
First was the half iron men and women, 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike and 13.1 mile run. WOW. Then Olympic people next, not sure of the distance at this time but long too. Then it was our turn...quarter mile swim (13 laps or so) 13 mile bike and 3.2 mile run. Seems a lot less but believe me, it is a challenge. So in to the water I go. Can't feel my feet in less than a minute or so. Off we go. The water is very shallow. Most could walk the first half. I tried to swim but many walkers in front, so I walked as long as I could touch. I then began to swim. The waves were crashing over my head every time I took a breath. (Oh my God I am going to die.) I came around the turn around and I thought I need to get to shore. I started to work my way inward and I came up to a guy on raft. He was out there to have a rest if you need it. I did! I grabbed hold and took some breaths and rested. It seemed like forever. I started to see my group going on and I didn't want to be alone so I took off. I realized that side swim would shield me away from the in coming waves. So that is what I did. I couldn't wait to get to where I could touch and then it came. It seemed like hours I was out there but in actuality it was less than 15 minutes. I started running up to shore and passed the timing mat. I was on land!
Now sprint up to transition which is across the road and behind G's pizza. I was less than 3 minutes to remove wet suit and dry feet and put on new shirt and I was on the bike. I don't think I really started to think about anything until I was out of the town area. It was warmer and I started to enjoy that which I was going thru. I was passed by many but I didn't care. The swim was out of the way and I could coast now. A quarter through the race and there was a girl off the road, working on her tire. (off). I asked if she was ok, she said yes. I thought of stopping but with a tire off, there was no way I could help. I continued on. A bit up the road, another girl off the road, "Do you need help?" Yes. Ugh. I knew in my heart that if it was me I would want someone to stop. So I did. Chain all kinked up. I tried to figure it out. But nothing I tried worked. She finally told me that her husband would be coming soon. So I got on and continued. There was only one large hill that we had to conquer. I knew that coming back that hill would be time to rest. I was very happy to see the turn around. Even though the biking was quite easy, I knew that the 5 k was a head of me. Running had become very challenging for me this summer and I just wanted it too be done.
So coasting into transition once again and less than 1 minutes there I was off and running. Side note...I had one co worker and two very good friends and their daughter cheering me on all the way. They where loud and very visible during all three events. I am thankful for that. Support during this is key! Another side note, I passed Joe on the bike event about half way. They started after the women in the water. I almost missed him.
So off and running. Well I wouldn't call it running, my feet where still numb. They felt literally like jello. I felt like I was standing still. I made it to big boys(restaurant) and made a turn. Surely I was half way done. No upper around a blinded corner was a mile marker 1 mile. Are you kidding me? So I continued on. I was tired. I was looking for Joe. I should pass him soon, I thought. Finally at the 2 mile I see him. We meet in the middle of the road for a quick kiss. Then we both where off again. Ok now I am on a straight away to the finish. One mile to go and it is done. I want to finish strong so I walk for a bit. Regain my strength and go. Less than a quarter to go and the crowds are there. Cheering. I hear my name but see no faces. I know they are there but I just want to finish. I sprint across the line. I am a finisher of a triathlon. I am proud. I set a goal and I did it. So sweet, so happy soo tired! Rachelle, Michelle, and Jamie where there to hug and congrats me. And the tears began to fall. WOW Emotions of every kind...feeling. I composed myself and waited for my husband. What seemed to be forever, I see him. He finished too. I was so proud of him. His knees are shot and he still did it.
After taking a break, we went out for lunch with our good friends. I just wanted to rest and enjoy our anniversary day. Mid way through our lunch, Joe pulled out a box. He told me that he wanted to continue on our journey. I was super surprised to see and anniversary ring. It is a thin band of diamonds that compliment my wedding ring. It is beautiful. If you know Joe, frugal doesn't begin to describe him.
I am very blessed in so many ways. I am strong. I am looking a head for the next tri. It will be in 2011. I know I can and I will continue. I know that I have encouraged others to do it too. My co worker will be doing the next one with us. This has be quite the experience. I know that if I wouldn't have been on this journey that was started 10 years ago, I would have never been hear and writing about this. Stay with me and enjoy it too. The best is yet to come!
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