One, Two, Three ??????? No Can't DO It

I sure can see how, you get out of running for a couple of days,it is hard to get back into it. Took the weekend off after a very hard run on Thursday. Needed it, I think. But woke up Monday morning and knew that if I didn;t do it this morning there would be no time tonite. So Off I went. It was a hard 4 miles but it is done for now. Ever think about how you see you in the future? Visualize where you want to be? That made me run this morning because I sure did not want to get out of bed. It was warm, safe and secure there and outside it was cool and rainy. But I have my site set for where and how the future will be layed out.

Oh yea, I know things happen and plans change but if you don't see it~will it ever become? I think it is important to set goals and see them through. I have set a few for me. Hard work, determination and the love of God. It has gotten me this far. Believe me it hasn't been easy but it has been all worth it.

So set some goals and see them through. The best is yet too be. Journey on my friends!

Spent, Whipped and Draggin

Ran my first night time race and I almost died. If you know me nite time is not my time to do anything. I am a 5 am kind of girl and after 5pm there is little that this girl is doing. Well I was geeked for the race feeling a little jittery for it. But I knew that I had to do it. I knew at about 1.5 miles I would have my name sakes cheering me on. It was about 85 degrees and humid. Not what I am accustom to running in.

I was tired starting out and had a hard time getting in the curve. The boys even ran a block or two along side of me. That made me proud. I did manage to put a bit of a kick at the end but I was so tired. Glad that one is done and looking for a early morning one. That is all for now. Still running my own race at my own pace and loving it well for the most part!

Didn't Want To

Didn't want to run this morning. Alarm didn't go off but internal one did. So I dragged myself out of bed and hit the pavement. Slow going, but then the new music I got put on-kicked in. (Thanks Bill) I know the rewards today that I have my workout already put in will hit me later. As for now Im just tired. The feel good will come after the shower.

Rewards for doing a job well done. At work that can be few and far between. It is usually "that is a little sensitive or do you have to do that". But once in awhile I will get that was a job well done. Thank you for making my gums bleed. I know that what I am doing is what they need but rarely do they view it that way.

Knowing that what you do~you do well, can be priceless. But what if you know that you where meant to do more than that. What if you know that you are here to do great things? Inspire someone someway? Knowing that there is more than just pearly whites? Do you just wait til it presents itself? How long do you wait? Will you be called? Will you hear the call? Will you be smart enough to know when to say when? More questions????? Am I 40 yet? Nope 29 forever!

Who Is Teaching Who?

My kids are funny. I can see more and more that they are growing up and humor in the Kayner house is something to be said. Carson has always been the comedian but Casey is quickly filling those shoes. Just sit here for one dinner and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is hysterical. They definitely have their mom's humor. It is good to see the maturity levels going up. They are good kids and I am very fortunate to have them. Pondering that they are growing up and I am still 29. How does that happen?

Asking For Help

Some thing that is hard for me too do sometimes. But at times we just need to do it. To get out of a little jam. Life can be overwhelming at times and a little helping hand is all we need to make it through.

I want to thank all those who have lended that hand. It could be a smile, a text of encouragement, a homemade dinner that is healthy to boot or a ride on the lawn mower. All is appreciated and will be returned at a future date. Hopefully, I will be wise to know when to offer mine, if not just ask. Thank you!

Too Write Or To Not

Seems to be the hot question? How come you haven't written in your blog in a while? Is something wrong? Are you ok? What is up?

I have been busy. Nothing is wrong. Im ok. Summer is happening. That is all. I am working more when kids are gone. I have to now cut grass. Weed garden. I am trying to run farther. I am riding my bike more. I am riding my motorcycle more and getting caught in the rain~which then leads to have to wash and polish it. I am trying to visit with friends more.

When kids are home, I am trying to do more fun things. Bom fires at nite. Going to library. Going to movies, bikerides, and partys. Qualitity time with them.

So why don't you write in your blog? Aren't you super mom? That is sometimes how I feel. I feel that people expect me to have it all together. Knowing what and when to do things. That can just plain stress you out. I am not super mom. I don't have all the answers. I not sure exactly where I am going and I don't know how long it will take to get there. I am on a journey. LIFE! Trying to do the right things and enjoy all it has to offer.

What Makes You Tick?

Ever think about it? What and why we do the things we do? Is it how we where brought up? How we have traveled through life and what stung us so that we won't do that again? Have we just adapted to what is here and now? Acceptance of our situations. What works and what does not?

So many questions. I heard the other day it is not so much the answers but the questions that we ask. I hear that. Growing must be learning to ask why and not necessary just settling for just because! Why do I have to do that? One of my children asked the other day. I was quick to say because I said so! That is not a good enough answer he said. I didn't want to hear that but that is growth isn't it? It is when you stop asking the questions~we quit growing?

Thinking about the journey thus far. Realizing that I didn't start it a year ago but many years ago. Just didn't know I was on it. "Getting It" so early in life that is a great concept. Not saying I have it all figured out "I DON'T!" But I think I have a good start. I see so many that don't even have a clue. And don't even care. That is sad. Life is so short.

Are you doing what you want to do? Are you happy? Do you even care? Once again asking the important questions.

Which One Follows?

Not sure which one made me run this morning~mind, body or spirit. I am pretty sure it wasn't body because that one had a hard time catching up with the others. I am pretty sure that it works alot better if all three participate. Well I may have not started with all three but in the end they where all there.

And isn't that what all counts. In the end? Finding a sense of peace in the end. Coming to terms about things. Yea I think that is a must to moving on. Excepting me for me and you for you. Finding what we can change and what we have no control over. I was watching Oprah yesterday (and that was the first tv program I watched in a long time)(co worker told me I needed to watch). It was a person diagnosed with cancer. Deadly kind and she said something that struck me. "I am in control on what I put into my body and the attitude in which I view this disease. She was eating all whole foods and exercising. She stated she felt healthier than before she knew she had the disease.

Isn't that the truth...attitude-the view in which we see things. I am learning. I want my tombstone to say "Attitude! She had it!"

Making choices for the future. Making life better. Seeing a glass half full and loving it. A better Denise, a better mom, a better Christian- a better me. Journey in process!

Wish It Would Rain

Well this is a mom week. The kids are home with me for a week and off to dad's again. You think that that would be no big deal but adjustments have to come about. I have to plan a actual meal. I have to try to run before they get up so that when I get home from work we can do some fun stuff. I too want to be the fun parent once in awhile. Not just the one that has scheduled bedtimes and scheduled chores for them to do.

Running this morning at 430 and I felt like I was back in Florida. It had just rained. The air was thick and I was sweating from the get go. It was dark but I had my trusty lite on to show drivers where I was. Not that I needed it. Doesn't anyone get up anymore? It truely is the best time of the day. It is so quiet. And by the time I ended my run the bird where up and singing.

I ran with a different outlook today. My music was quiet and reflectful. Talked to God alot. When it's quiet, it seems like he is more apt to listen. In church yesterday the pastor talked of forgiveness. Forgiveness of oneself, of God, family and then of everyone else. That can be a tall order. It is funny how he mentioned the oneself as first. I think for me that can be the hardest thing to do. Looking at all past mistakes and wondering why we can't move on sometimes. Forgiveness? Is that what stops us? I took some time to forgive yesterday. I am not sure that there was any impact there BUT... I did it and it is time to move on!

Ask And You Shall Receive?

Looking back I have learned many things. One thing that seems to stand out today well last night is this...If you don't say what you want, how can you expect to get what you don't have? What is the worst that can happen...NO! Or maybe a yes!

Why do we think that people can read our mind? And then become sadden or disappointed that we didn't get what we where expecting. Did anyone even know what we wanted? It is funny how we have it all planned out in our heads of how things should go and then when they don't~was it a simple over site or just a "I had no clue that is what you wanted?"

Many times things would flow so much better when you clue people in. Let them know a little about what you are thinking or viewing in life. Put on the "blue sunglasses" if you will. Do you know about pink and blue sunglasses? I didn't until I read a book about the differences between men and women. Oh yea I knew we were different but didn't even think to figure out why. Men and women view things alot different~heck women and women view things differently. I use to be very narrow minded about alot of things. As I get older, I am beginning to except that there are more than one way to see things. Where did that come from? That darn growth thing again. Guess I losing some of that stubbornness. Not a bad thing. Asking more questions. Expressing more of me so that I will not be disappointed. I deserve the best. Don't we all? We only go around once. Are you doing what you want too? Are you happy? We all have a certain amount of TIME. Time to not assume. Because you know the saying...no one wants to be an donkey!

If The Will Is There...Is There Always a Way?

Will can move mountains...right? I can do anything even if it seems out of my reach. I want to believe that. Sometimes things seem so out of reach that there is no way it is ever going to happen. Then I hear of the everyday miracles that are happening. Anything is possible. If we believe? Is believing enough or do we have to have an active role in it all?

Setting new goals and dreams if you will. Some that seem to be unobtainable in the past. But somehow seem reachable now. What changed? Circumstances or just me. Have my eyes become wider to see what can be possible? Or do I see me getting older and not wanting to miss the boat. I come in contact with many people and many times think that they have missed the boat. So much time that was wasted doing things or being with people that didn't seem to make them happy. Why do we do that? Then I run across that one individual that seems to have life by the "balls". Nothing seemed to have slowed them down and they seem happy. Are they looking at the glass half full? Make you want to sit with them for awhile and ask them all sort of questions.

Yesterday I commented to many that it was my 39 and half birthday. Is the 40th thing freakin me out? I don't think so. Today I see life as the best it has been. I would not want to go back and change anything. Tell me that isn't growth? I do believe that the road that I have traveled has prepared me for where I stand today. Thanks to all that have helped me along my journey thus far. And the journey continues...continue to enjoy the ride...I am!

Thinking About Tomorrow

But it is hard to live today if we are always thinking about tomorrow. I am trying to become a person of the day. A certain person has always said that "you are a planner." Like that is a bad thing? Is it? Not so sure on that one. I like to prepare for what lies ahead. How can you run if you don't have your running shoes with you? Preparation can be a good thing. You may even miss out on some of the "goodies" in life, if you didn't plan for them. Orrrrr a surprise here and there can be good also. Trying to find a happy medium can be the trickiest of all.