Fly, Fly Away

Nervous, excited, and nervous. Why? So many people say have a great time. Don't worry about a thing. Why can that be so hard too do. I want to say that I have come a long way from the worry, worry and worry some more but it is still there. I worry less about the stuff of my life and more about the peoples of my life. I was a bit more at ease when my parents where going with me. What can go wrong when you got mom and dad? Well since they are not going now-my mind a bit uneasy. It seems the older you get the more "bad" you see in this world. Remember when ignorance was bliss? Being up so early does not help. I worry if I have all that is needed-packed? Traveling international, I think is what has got me a bit "yanked". I know that I will be better when I get there and have that first margarita on the white sandy beaches. Well coffee is done and I need to just take some deep breathes. I will see you in 5 days or so. many pics to show and stories to tell. Oddyosss!

The Conferences

Went to the boys conferences yesterday. I wasn't sure what I was going to hear or see when it came to report cards. Well yes, I did have insight. I was seeing what was coming home and what I was not excited to see some of the papers. Well it turns out that the one who has continuously struggled is somewhat getting it. Yea! And the one who I know would fly by the seat of his pants is now getting what is deserved. With little effort on his part, he can no long just get by. Grades reflect effort to some degree.

My youngest "the comedian". Oh he will keep you laughing. He knows what to do but a 'C" is good enough for him. Well not for me. He needs to improve the grades or he doesn't wrestle. I know he gets it-it is just lack of motivation and laziness. He is smart and he is going to be one of those guys that knows how to work the system and will. Not a bad thing but hmmmm. Charm and humor will not always get you the job. Or will it? I will be on him a bit more and work on the details of the school work now. Oh don't get me wrong he is a good boy and I will keep the positive flowing. I will praise what needs praising. But do a bit more pushing. Need to work on the attitude.

T the one that has struggled his entire school life is finally getting it too some degree. Oh yes he works and works very hard at it. But it is paying off. He is reading at a 5th grade level and liking it to some degree. Oh I know that I can not back off though. We just are making head way now. I was so proud of him. I could have cried. I know how the battle is hard.

The one thing that stood out in both conferences the most is that both my boys are loving, good kids. The teaches both praised their core goodness. They would love 25 kids like them in class. And isn't that what you really want to know? You didn't fail when it came to the basic of goodness and lovingness. That is what is truly important. That I have children that I can be proud of. I know that as a parent I didn't fail in that and I am divorced too. Who would have figured that good kids can come from divorce parents? (Oh I am being cynical now. Excuse me but divorce parents can get a bad rap sometimes.) Core goodness shown to others is what is important.

I am proud of all my "seeds". They are the best of me and their dad. This is one of the proud parent moments. When you know why they came into your life and give it purpose. MOM never sounded so sweet!

Way too Early

Up this early I must be crazy. Sleep is just not what is needed right now. They say you eat when your hungry and sleep when your tired but... Who is they anyway? And why have they become an authority on everything we do?

Did a lot of deep breaths yesterday. With the help of friends and loved ones, I manage to get my vehicle in the shop and a rental in hand. All my patients got seen and I left a half hour early to make it to conferences on time.

Now, today new day-same story well somewhat. Kids go to work with me and get their teeth cleaned and then off to grandmothers house they go. I have worked the schedule again so I should be out a bit early to do some last minute shopping for my trip. Then it is home to make the things I need for the big feast. Not too hard to do but lots on the brain right now. I have to pack and think what I to do take for 80 degrees of pure sunshine. Oh don't moan you could have gone with me and decided no! Not my fault. Thinking that less is better. Planning of spending most the time in bathing suit in the sun. We have one day trip that I know of to the spa and really how much clothes do you need there-na da!

Excitement is building and I can't wait. Trip has been in my thoughts for a while now and I am glad that I made it happen. Keep the margarita flowing I say.

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law =Something is going to go wrong. Something like that. Once again, the "why me" syndrome. Do I have to go through somethings to avoid something worse? Don't sweat the little things=there all little things, in the realm of it all. Taking deep breaths when it doesn't seem to flow the way I think it should.

Time to step back and just let things happen I can't control. He knows that I need more time with that "patience" thing. Accepting is hard for me especially when I don' t think it is my best interest. Letting go if you will. Days lately are packed with stuff to get down before the holidays and trip. Things just need to go a certain way for it all to be OK? Right? Nope once again life happens and things are changed. I am sure it is for the better but at the time it doesn't seem that way.

Still realizing that it is only stuff in the world. It is not life and death and don't need that stuff to make us who we are. As quickly as we obtain it-we can lose it. And once again it is only "stuff". What is truly important and what is not. Trying to figure out things in the early morning because it is the best time for me. It is quiet and peaceful. Time to meditate and recharge. Hoping the ones that matter "get me"? Not insane, just insightful. Connecting to mind, body and spirit.

Shop, Mop, and Roll

Different sort of weekend this time. Kids-gone, cats-gone, boyfriend-gone, well was suppose to be but the UP got too much snow. So gone in mind and continued to hunt in the area. I had a lot of time to shop, bake and clean. Well shopping was little success and the cleaning I got through most of the cat part of the house. Still working on all the blankets and fur that continues to stay on the furniture. The main house is warmer and my bedroom because I now can close it off. Kids came home last nite and nothing was said about them. Oh I know that they were aware that they were gone but not a word said. Feel bad oh yes but I know it was for the best.

Now I am looking forward to the stuff that has to get done in the next couple of days. Thankful that it is Thanksgiving but lots to do. Haven't even thought about what I am going to pack. I leave in 6 days. Excited and nervous all in one. Don't have to make much for Thanksgiving. That is good. Have too homes to go to this year. That will be different. Haven't done the two in one in many years. Different days but not the same day. Look forward to seeing those who I only see once in a while.

Well got to get moving much to do much to do.

Pee U

What to do when you know it is going to hurt the ones you love? Trying to make one understand that this is the best thing to do. Oh it is hard being a parent. Bring in pets that you know they want. I will take care of them. I will feed them. I will love them too. But when they are destroying all you have worked so hard for. How do you tell them they have to go.

At least if they die, they are sad but understand that it was time for them to go on. But just because they pee on things that is no reason to get rid of them. Or because they wake you at 330 because they are bored and want you up that is no reason. Well decision made and I am not the most popular parent. I didn't hear the "I hate you ". But I seen it in their faces. Hurt oh yes but I know it is what needs to happen. I have been dealing with it for a year now and the camel got "snap" I just pray that the hate goes away and they know that it is for the best. I know it is. I have known it for a long time. It sucks being a parent sometimes. I know also that this is a small piece of the pie. Small kids=small problems, bigger kids=bigger problems. Trust in the fact that it is all laid out and it all works out in time. Deep breaths again.

Not Why But What?

I heard something on the radio coming home last nite that I was suppose to hear. I was listening to a new radio station that has good Christian listening songs. A man was talking about the fact of when things go wrong in our life we tend to ask "why me". Or when bad things happen to good people "why them"? His answer was instead of asking why me say what do you want me to do with it?

It has taken some time to figure out that God doesn't punish us or send bad things our way. Things happen and there are lessons to be learned and something better is coming our way. We just have to believe! Hard one to do at times when it is so "in your face". We think what "good" can come from divorce, sickness, or even death? Hmmm sometimes we need to think about that one. Sometimes we find the answers-sometimes not. Sometimes it isn't our struggle in the first place, we where just a factor in the whole scheme of things. It isn't about us at all. But we where used to open eyes of others. To come over if you will. What ever it takes, he needs us to figure it all out. Oh yes some of us are stubborn, but there is true light at the end if we believe.

Ah life is ever changing if you would have told me 10years ago that I would believe in the things that I have come to know I would have said you are crazy. "I am no bible thumper." Now I surround myself with them and am proud to call them friend. Everything happens for a reason. I am glad that I didn't fight this one til the death. I know now why. I rejoice in it and hope others see the "good" that came from the "why me"?????????

Dreams...ZZZZZZZZZZ

Can you put any validity into dreams? Do you think that it is those things that you can't deal with in the really world? Or don't have the time to look at them -head on? About a year ago, I stopped dreaming. Well at least I thought I did. I would wake up, day in and out and not recall one thing that I dreamed about. Now it seems that that is all I do. I wake up on the hour -recall vividly what they where and how I felt about them at the time. They seem so really that I even recall them when I wake for the day. What does that mean? All of them lately have some kind of dilemma about them. Not necessarily about me or have to do with me but problems that others are going through. I don't even know if these people are even going through it though.

Is it a sign that they need a call or attention in some way? Am I a seed that needs to be sown? Crazy but I believe with all my heart that there are those that just show up from out of the blue to help you out. They may call or be seen in places that you normally wouldn't see them. They say something or do something that you need. And they drop a seed. Plant it or don't. It was given with a purpose. Sometimes we get it-sometimes we don't.

Think I need to make a phone call today. Truly believe that God is working in us and around us. And yet some choose to still ignore. What will it take? Life changing experience? I think so. It did for me. Do you have some seeds? Or do you need to plant? Or maybe even both!

Early Early Morning Thoughts...

Waking up with thoughts of how it all is going to work? My boys start wrestling today which means on the go again, becoming more organized than before. Trying to have nutritious snacks for after school and have some kind of dinner when they get home which is after 8. Then I worry about my daughter who needs to get active too. I have to find something that we can do while the boys do their thing. Thinking about the local college. Seeing if she will join with me so we can swim and run or walk tread mill. Sounds great in theory but I need to have a willing participant. Those preteens don't seem to want to have anything to do with that. I want her to get excited about something. Is that possible? I know for a fact that these are hard times. I know from experience that it is not fun being an over weight child. Or adult for that matter. How do I inspire without turning off. How do I say we need to move without hunting tender feelings? Leading by example is not working.

I know I was overweight and I didn't want anyone to tell me that. Oh it is such a touchy subject. It still is. I feel like I will always be under the glass even if it is me putting myself there. I have gained 5lbs since my weight loss and I am constantly thinking of it. You know how easy 5 can turn to 15! That is why I joined the runners club. I want to be surrounded by people who strive to be healthy, fit. I am constantly being inspired by Joe who runs on the treadmill and weight trains. I need that excitement and positive outlook pushing me. I too am hoping that leading by example does rub off on my children. I want them to get excited to work out. I want them to feel good about themselves. Not that I think they don't. I think they do. It is just that outside cruel world that continuously judges you one the size of your pants.

Then I think of what is important. Living life with positive influences. Knowing that your loved unconditionally. Being happy for who you are and what you can give. That is what matters. The basics- love one another. Oh if everyone would just live that way, no wait then we all would be in heaven. Too early to think about that.

Anyways thanks for the vent. It is hard to get anyone to talk to me at 4 in the morning. Even the ones that say they love me. It just usually starts after 7. Thank goodness for cats!

Give You A Reason...3

Three reasons again why I do the things I do. Three reasons why I work. Three reasons why I stay home. Three reasons why I am going grey at an early age. Three reasons why I act like a kid. Three reasons why I run. Three reasons to find happiness. Three reasons to stay happy. Three reasons why I need God more than ever. Three reasons to be thankful.

I have three reasons why. What do you have?

In The Bag

Well yesterday got to the race. Wind very cold but knew I had to do it. Not too many runners there. I was number 55. What I didn't realize til after the race-it was just the die hards and the crazy ones running. These are the serious ones. The ones who wear shorts because that is what they always run in.

Any way I had Joe there to support me and that makes all the difference. Oh I would have gone it alone but knowing that someone will be at the finish makes you want to go all the way. I told him not too expect anything great for I haven't ran a race since August. I would be happy to finish in 30 or so. The course was up and back. That is an overpass and back. I was feeling pretty good the whole way. I was behind two guys who seemed to be running for the fun of it and no real sense of urgency. But I figure stay right here til the finish line comes close. So as I rounded the last corner I could see the clock 26:39. Wow no way I have never been under 27. So it was time to kick. Denise K 26:55. Best time ever! Funny thing is that the song that I finished my first race with I ended my last. That is crazy. Sandman cometh Metalliaca or something like that. Feel good, feel accomplished, glad I did it and seen it through.

Number 7

Gearing up for the seventh and final race of the 08 season. Today at 10 if rain holds out. It is cold and not planning on getting any warmer today. 41degrees and rain chance is 60%. But for November not so bad. Not looking to win any awards just finish at my own pace once again. Still get knots in the stomach though. Crazy year this one. Goals set and obtained. Happy to be me. Looking forward to the future and all the "goods" in store. Well got to go prepare for race. Bye for now.

Rainy day thoughts

Four days of pure sunshine and warm weather. Did you go out and enjoyed it? Got back to some decent miles with the running. Thinking ahead to planning on doing a half Marathon. I must be crazy. But it is the thought of accomplishing something new. Something that I never thought I could or even wanted to do. Scary-yes but some what exciting. Still thinking about new hobbies for the winter. You know me I hate the winter. I love to be outside in the sun. Michigan is not the place for that. Oh I have plans to putting on the cross country skis on but that can only happen if there is snow. And I will keep up on running but it gets DARK out there now. Something to be said about running in the dark in the spring verses the winter. In the spring you know that it is going to get warmer and lighter as times goes on not the same to be said for the winter. If you recall I started this running adventure last January. And I ran to the mail box and back. Very slow start because I was not sure that I wanted to do this. Never really went through a whole winter. Not sure what to expect. Running in slush hmmm not sure at all.

I am going to join the runner club in the area. Hoping to get ideas and excited by some long distance runs. Maybe even hook up with ways of getting a tread mill at an affordable price. Tryed it a few times not so sure if I like that type of running. I can see how it can have its benefits in the cold hard months.

Cancun right around the corner. Looking forward to that trip. And turning the big 40! Feeling pretty good about that too. Looking back on the 30's. Some days not so kind but feel good about where I am in life. High roads and low roads, dirt and paved. All in all a learning lesson in life and the after life. Where I want to be and where I never want to go again. Better off that I traveled the way I did. Pride in a good way. Thanks to the many that stuck by my side. For those who had to go that's ok too. We all have choices and we have to live by the ones we think are right. I know many times that you questioned some of mine but they where what I needed to do at the time. One thing I did learn is never say never. You may say one thing but until you walk those shoes you never know what you will do or who you do it with. Times heals all wounds. Shattered hearts become whole again and love creeps in when we aren't even looking. All in God's hands. All in God's plans.

Are you enjoying your journey? Me too!

ahhh You Knew What I Needed.

Found out how to run fast in a short amount of time. Leave in a pissed off mood as the sun is setting and you will fly. Needed to run but time was not on my side not too mention the homework. Left work an hour early in hopes to get the homework done without tears or screams. Started dinner in hopes it would be done so I could run while they ate. Time again not on my side. Then in walked help. Six foot dark hair-hope. "Go!" I got this. Didn't say one word and I was out the door. Needed it bad and he knew it. Hope he realizes that he is much appreciated and loved. If not-hope he reads this. Thank you much. Four hands better than two. Don't you think?

Question My Character...Will u?

Good Mom I think so. Those who questioned it don't know me that well or never bothered in the first place. Why does one's questioning your character bother so much? Throw stones oh I could. But why? What would be the point? Does it matter who gave the most hugs or saw the most games? Na just more and more people in ones life to love and be loved. Not a bad thing I think. So take your stabs if you must. I choose not too. Deep breaths deep breaths.

Trying to stay on the high road can be rather bumpy at times. It is great to have a mechanic in your corner, for the flat tires can be numerous.

Nothing Like Dinner

What brings a family together...food. Something to be said for inviting everyone over and have a meal and share a bit of vino. All is good and families come together to solve the worlds problems or problems not so far out. Opinions are many. Many welcomed-some not so much. Some boisterous and some sit quietly and observe. Who are the chatty Cathy's and Observing Ollies of the group? Did you ever think to try being the opposites? Quietly observing and letting the non verbals take over? Hmmm they do have alot to say if there was a moment of silence.

Interesting how all come from the same cloth but are so different yet so alike. Observing from afar. Switched at birth? Na. Embracing the differences, maybe. Glad to be comfortable in my own skin...finally!