Contol or not...What was the ?

Life just seems to be flying by. Thinking, a few of my friends says that I have been thinking too much. How do you do that? And the alternative...too little that can't be good? Or can it?

Sometimes I would not like to think that i have the world on my shoulders. I would like someone else say hey this is what we are going to do and this is what we are going to eat. Someone to share in the joys and the burdens of everyday life. But then I have to give up a little control. Whoa who wants to do that? Not me? I have worked so hard to get it and now to let it go a bit, hmmmmmmm not so sure.

I need a vacation! But that is only temporary. Quickly everyday life comes back and all that was a problem still is. But than all the good is still is too. Focus~Denise. If we want to see bad it can be found and that goes the same with good. It is time to get back to what matters. Knowing your a good mom, and friend. Realizing that life has it ups and downs and if we don't view both we would not be able to rejoice when its good. Taking for granted, that there always is a silver lining...hoping! Not forcing anything and patiently waiting.

Continuing on the journey that I have started with new purpose. Resetting and restarting. Not viewing it as a failure but a detour. Moving forward at my pace.

No Catchy Title...

Silently working on oneself. Asking some important questions. Talking to God and evaluating the road traveled and the one to be. Trying to find the positive in all. Wondering why. Knowing it is written. Don't worry. Things always work out for the better. Holding on to that. He doesn't give you more than you can handle. Oh how we ponder...Holding on to the good people in ones life~letting go of the not. Wise to know the difference. Trying not to judge and asking not to be judged. Knowing it is a small piece of the pie. Believing in oneself.

Adversity...Make You Bitter or Better?

Was recently asked this question. To be honest I had to look the word up. Oh yea I had a general idea what the word meant but had to be sure. Well when it is used in the way of "a condition of suffering or destitution", I would have to say bitter. But what if the fight isn't yours. You have been entered in by association. It isn't even your fight!

Well then you have to pull yourself away for a moment and take inventory. Believe me that can be hard to do. You look at the one who has the fight and you care deeply~ but. You know that you have had to walk in similar shoes. Try to walk the high road with not getting destroyed in the process. I have done it and it is worth it in the end. But at the time many question you and ask why are you doing it that way?


How do we support without being apart? Not an easy one but a necessary one. Not to lose oneself in the mist of upheaval. Especially when it is not yours to deal with or control. Once realizing that I cannot be apart~how do we show support? Kinda like that tough love thing. I am here to listen and offer a hug but it is time to deal. Many times I have said that we go up and down and back and forth but we still arrive. We can take the easy way or the hard way but we will be where we need to be at the time we need to be there. We need to learn the lesson and it just doesn't go away if we choose to ignore it. It may go temporary, but it returns and it has more power than when it came around the first time.

So my dear friends, I am here. Even at times it seems that I am gone. God gave me the grace to be a good friend. When I say nothing at all, I just may be holding you in my heart. Supporting through spirit and prayers. Trust in oneself. Trust in God. You have done the homework~you will pass the test!

Talk About Busy.

You ever feel like your being pulled here and there. Everyone wants a little piece of you or your time. Did you volunteer for that fundraiser or did you want to work an extra day here or did you get that washed mom I need it today? Oh mom we need toilet paper~off to the grocery store. So I make those lists in hopes of prioritizing. The have to dos and the need to dos and the want to dos. Do they all get done? Well they do when they move up the list to the have too"s.

Why do I get up at 4am. To sneak a little "me" time in there. My time to reflect and sort it out. It works for me and that is what counts. Every one should fit the "me" time. Even if you have to put it on a list.

Today I am making a list for the weekend. There will be the wants and do not wants on it. For me, I will start out with a do not want and end the day with a want. A kinda of reward for me. Making a reward at the end of the day~What a concept. Shouldn't we always feel a reward when we lay our head down. Just the sheer fact that we made it through the day alive can be a reward in it self! What is your reward today? What are you proud of? Just making the list and nothing more can be rewarding. Spring has sprung and it is a beautiful day~ENJOY!

Want to Be Carried.

At times we feel so strong. We look back on where we where and how far we have gone. And we are proud. Proud to say Hey I did it and it feels good. But what about those times when you just want to be carried? You want to crawl up in someones lap and just be held? Do you seek that out? Or do you just wait til the ones you know~knows you, will see and come to your rescue? Why do we always have to be the strong?

Today I don't feel like the strong. I want to be carried. And that is ok!

Can You Smell It

Spring is in the air. I slept with my fan on and the windows open. I woke up to that familiar smell. It was fresh and new. And the thought of waking up and not hurrying to put on a rope because your freezing. That is a wonderful feeling.

Spring~the time of rebirth and renew. The ugliness of winter has be diminished and the greens of summer are upon us. Makes many want to reevaluate everything.

Yesterday I spoke with a few patients. Isn't funny how idle chit chat is quickly turned into meaning. Tell me that God doesn't have a plan and is using people who you come in contact with to give us a message. My first patient was quick to say at 40 she questioned everything. It is normal~she said. Then one day she when she was asking why to God, she heard God say to her~why not? She never asked again!

Why not? I was floored. Just think of that for a moment. When we are asking those questions of life~put in why not. It all just seemed to make sense.

Why do we have to climb all these mountains? Why not. Why do we have to feel pain in a lost relationship? Why not. Why do we question our existence? Why not. We are no better than the next guy. We have been good, bad and ugly.

But on the flip side~Why do we deserve "them good people" in our lives? Why not. Why do we feel the good things in life? Why not. Why are we truly blessed and it shows? Why not.

It goes both ways. Once again it is all in what we focus on. I choose the positive. Many times I have to be reminder of that. I have some good people in my life that remind me of that daily. We all have choices.

What do you choose? What do you focus on? What do you want to get out of this life? Walk forward, not back!

When Do You Let Someone In?

What do people have to do to prove that they are meant to be in your world? They start out with a little idle chit chat and work their way in. Some talk more and get to know you~your likes and dislikes. What is your favorite color, your favorite ice cream and why you don't always like being called "cute". They really seem to want to know what makes you tick?

After much pondering or not~you let them in. Some they just give you that gut instinct~"them some good people". So then you let them in. You give them a place where they can stay. The door is always open. But what if the door closes~do we let them in again? What if we were taken advantage of, walked over, or just plain betrayed. Do we forgive? Do we open the door? Do we let them in again?

Well if you live by God~forgive seven times seventy. Holding on to negativity can't be good. How many times have you done something that you want forgiveness for and it isn't there? How does that make you feel? Out of control, not in your hands. Someones else holds the key for that. So if they won't forgive, do you forgive yourself? That can be harder to do then getting it from the one you have betrayed!

Learning life lessons again. Who says that life is fair? I sure didn't. But we only go around once. Are you doing what you want too? Are you happy? Do you care? Asking them again and again.

Life is good. If we let it. I choose to let it! I continue on my journey with God in the captain's chair.

Blindly walking...Faith

We blindly walk by faith. What about run? The course I ran yesterday was unfamiliar and uncharted. I knew I would be running 3.2 miles but I didn't know where the twist or turns where. Talk about uncertainty. There where times when the path was high and low, uneven and rough. The route was paved and unpaved. But the one thing I did know is that there was an end.

Isn't that how life is? Many obstacles but there is an end. Ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows but an end. The great thing about life is that it is already mapped out. We just have not been given the route. Or have we? Yep it is up to us to determine it. The good, bad and the ugly. Attitude and outlook~two very important things to remember when entering into an unfamiliar race.

So I say that I am going to run my race at my pace. I know that it has alot of good stuff waiting for me. Blindly walking and now running by FAITH!

On Your Mark...Go!

Today is race #2 for me. I have made a goal to do one race a month for the racing season and this is the April one. It is at the Bay City State Park and is a mix of pave and trail course. I am excited to have my kids will attend this one. I know they are excited too.

The weather seems to be working out. Even opened my windows through the nite. Nothing like fresh air. Mapped out a run I did the other day and it measured 5.3 miles, I was ecstatic. That is the farthest I have gone so far. I was tired after that. That was after putting eight in on people's mouth. Yea yea I know to most that my work schedule is cake. Most work forty and don't blink an eye. But it is what you get accustom too. Oh I could work five days a week, forty hours but I don't want too. If we figure out what works for us isn't that enough? I don't have the best of everything but what I do have I have worked hard for.

As the saying goes...Life is good if we let it. Today I am gonna let it. Follow me through the journey, it is getting good!

Wow How Do They Do That?

Well I just got done with a 16 hour day yesterday. I was up at 5am and didn't return to my bed until 10ish. I left the house at 730am and didn't return until 845pm. Worked two jobs and managed to get 3 very tired kids to bed and then drop into my bed~exhausted. How do you guys do it? Work full time, manage a house, cook a decent meal, keep the house up, exercise and even look good doing it. I am truly at awwww with you.

You never really know how great you have it until you try someone elses shoes. I have been reminded that I have a great life. I am thankful that I don't have to work full time or even two jobs to make it work. I am thankful for kids that don't have to pushed to help out all the time, they will help out when needed. I am thankful to parents that call and say how can I help and do! I am grateful for friends who offer to cook you dinner when you are in between jobs and it ends up to be the best gourmet salad you have ever had. I am grateful to all those who simply ask "how ya doing~ya holding up?" I am grateful for "dads" they do pull through when you need them to be there.

So many things to be thankful for and I am counting everyone of them. Reminders in life~looking at the glass half full and taking a drink!

Why So Easy?

Why is it so easy to look at your past to evaluate your future? Why do we judge everything today on past experiences? Can't things be different? Didn't we learn new things for new relationships? Didn't we do your homework that things maybe different in the future?

I have put alot of time in on~reevaluating me. What works and what doesn't. I have spent the time on fixing me and not everyone else. I hold no control on the everyone else. But what if Im not sure if I did all the homework? What if I missed a lesson or two? Will I fail because of it? I have worked so hard on being happy. Does that exists?

Remember when you blindly walked and you didn't even question where you where going? You just did. Now the older we get~we weigh, we ponder, we evaluate before we even take a step. Cautious or just plain scared to be hurt!

When and Where is the Best Time?

When is the best time to reach you? What is the best line of communication should I use? Email, texting, calling on the phone (cell, or landline), writing you a note, stopping by the house or the place of work,or running along side of you.

There is so many more ways to communicate but less of it we are doing. Have we become so fast pace that we forgot that we are need a little "hey" in our lives. I am guilty of it too. It is not that friends mean less to us~they don't. Our worlds seem to consume all of us. When was the last time you called just to say hello? Not I need this and did you hear that.

We all seem to have the best time to be reached. But what if the ones you want to talk to are not on your time. Me that is easy between 5am-6am you can probably get my best attention. I haven't found alot of people who share that time with me. I have had to learn how to adapt to others and try to stay up in the pm to reach them. Adapting to others schedule to allow them to fit in yours. You will do that if they have become important to you. Understanding what they are going through and making it important to you, that can be a bit tricky but can be done.

Fitting in; once you do~do you always? If you are important to that person and you have made a home in their heart~fitting in is never a question. It is simply understood. I have many friends that have come and gone and come back again. Their residence in my heart is permanent and they can crawl back and stay as long as they want or need. It doesn't have to be invited it is just understood. Trust was made and that is a bond that will not be broken.

Trust another issue~blindly given or earned? One I have been pondering about and acquiring much data on it. Any way you can see that I didn't opt to clean!

Cleaning Again????????

Woke up 4am and so much stuff racing through my head. As before when the house is a mess so is the mind. So if Im not so sure what to do with the head~work on the house and may be just maybe the mind will follow. So many who I talk to say that don't worry and you think too much. Well that may be true but no time to think this week or next. I went and filled my week with much work and physical activity so that I can't think... unless I get up at 4am and then I clean!

Misery Loves Company...

Or everybody wants some~I want some too? Just got done running and I seen 3 other runners out there. And they were all women. That was a great feeling. Just like riding the bike, you pass another biker and you give the familiar wave. A bonding of brotherhood if you will. A sign of support that can go a long way when you are struggling to take another step.

Surrounding yourself with the "right" people makes the difference! I will hold your hand when you can't go another step and you will guide me through the darkness when I have no light. Lean on those who offer~it is God working his miracles.

Off Track ...Again!

How come it is so easy to get off the beaten path? Our minds are focus and our bodies are there with us and Boom~it happens and things are not the same. We have strayed off the path that was working for us. Or was it? Why do things always have to change. Do we become to comfortable in our daily routine? Or is God just messing with us and telling us it is time to grow again?

What if I was enjoying where I was. Now it is a little mixed up and I have to deal with something new and unfamiliar. How do I handle that? Do I even want too?

Sometimes it is nice to just set on cruise control and coast. Why does there always have to be some form of drama? Or do we create the drama? Yes it is how we deal with situations. There is always two sides to everything and it is up to us to choose which is right for us.

But what if the waters are that unfamiliar that we just don't know what is right for us? Do we go with the best scenario or do we just roll the dice and chips fall where they may?

Who says you do most of your growing when your a kid? They LIED!

When To Block?

It seems in a technical world things would be easier? Not so sure of that. With communication at our fingertips what a wonderful thing. But there are those out there that want to hurt or sabotage what is said or unsaid...to block if you will the good that is being said or related. Why? Freedom of speech ya but come on can't we all just get along~or if we can't-just shut up.

Clean your Room!

Woke up this morning to thunder and lighting and a nite mare. What is up with that? I can't remember the last time I dreamt(is that a word). And to wake to a nite mare~wow. What does that mean? Well as I laid there trying to shake the dream, I ponder what was going on in my life. Then I was quickly reminded that when my room is a mess so is my life. I need to do a little house work. I find that a messy disarray house or room is just that~a foggy head. When life is just a little off~so is my room. Time to reorganize.

Coming off a weeks vacation with kids. Laundry up the ying. Getting back to a schedule and making it all fit. Life a bit crazy here. Just need a little time to refresh and remember what I am doing and where I am going. Refocus if you will.

Looking forward to a weekend with not alot of havetados! Stop by I will probably be cleaning or dwelling in my clean house. And a more focused me!

Mid Life Crisis...Bring it On!

Well as I ran last nite, I was reminded that some think it is a mid life crisis that I am going through. Many who ask about my journey simply ask and when will you be 40?;or oh how old are you?~hmmm that is why. I think to myself~do people really view this all as a bad thing? Trying to get in shape for the next half of my life~Is that viewed as a bad thing? Trying to become closer to God and what he has planned for me~a bad thing? Trying to put the positive back into Polly~bad thing?
Searching for a partner for the rest of my life~a bad thing?

Well mind,body and spirit, I want it all and am not stopping til I get it. To all those who view this as a negative-sorry that you feel that way. Maybe you need to take inventory. I have never felt more alive, more positive about myself and where I am in life. I am secure in who I am and what I want. What a wonderful feeling. I owe all of this to seeds that where planted intentionally and unintentional. The road is set and it is up to me which way I travel. With prayer, I hope to always take the high one. It seems to have done me well in the past.

New friends coming along on my journey have purpose. True friends that have stuck by me through the rough waters have purpose. I am truly blessed. I feel loved daily through hugs,emails,winks and even texts. I thank you all who don't question and just except. I am even thank ful to those who question for they keep me on my toes. Today I feel BLESSED! Continue on with me. It will surely be interesting. Have you started your journey? Do you want to? Do you even care? Ah pondering what a wonderful thing.

Time Too... Back on Track

Well it seems to me that I have stepped out of my scheduled and ordinary. Sometimes we get caught up with the exciting and new that we forget that the ordinary has a sense of calm to it that we miss. Scared oh yea that too. New can be so scarey. New can be like buying shoes; oh they look really good in the window. You try them on and yea they fit good. You look at the price and think ah a bit pricey but still affordable. So you buy them knowing full well that you can return them... until you wear them outside~then there yours. So you wear them and wear them alot and hope just hope that they don't give you a blister! Scary yea new can be scary. But


It can also be something you needed. Willing to take chances and hope that something good comes out of them. Why do we get so cautious when we get a little older? Are we so blind to the world in our 20's that we just jump in head first with out a second thought? And now being almost 40's why do we just stay planted where we are? Afraid of getting hurt? Afraid to trust? Maybe now we have more to think about then just "me". More vested? Oh great back to pondering.

Something To Be Said...Comfort Zone?

Well I just got done with 4 miles of running in good old Michigan. Wow that was pretty easy! Is is true that we are definitely programed to Old and Familiar and good and comfortable?

You would think being in the warm and sunny, would make you run more? Oh not so true. I started out warm and clammy and only got hotter. Oh it felt good to really sweat but I was definitely out of my element. The grounds where unfamiliar and the terrain was just different. Out of my box, if you will. I have talked about being out of the box as a good thing and for the most part it can be. But change is scary at times. Not sure of the outcomes; positive or negatives ones.

I am glad to be home and get back to my routine. I am comfortable there and want to stay there for a while until I need to up my program again. I do see that in the near future. I am glad to be back and look forward to all your comments. Keep them coming, they inspire me also!

Coming Home

Well it has been a fun filled week,but its time too come home. This vacation was not like the one I had 6 weeks ago but I enjoyed the kids on roller coasters and water rides. I too enjoyed the fun at the parks. I even found some confidence wearing a bikini out in public. Oh yea that can be a confidence builder in a heart beat.

It is amazing what a little bit of sunshine and warmth will do u. I am ready to come home and bring a little sunshine back to you winter filled people. I will continue my journey in running and exercising. I want to continue the energy high that is a bit diminished right now. Vacation is over and routine is too be put back in place. There is something to be said about scheduled and a routine. There is a sense of comfort in which I long for.

I can't wait to see some faces that I have missed. Riding season is fast upon us and Im looking forward too the wind in my face. It is going to be a great summer and I look forward to new adventures with old and new friends. i love ya all and will see ya soon.

Don't Be Fooled.

This is one day that i hate the most. Oh don't get me wrong I Iike a good joke now and again, it is just those mean ones that really get to me. Growing up I was the butt of many mean jokes and they usually had the words or implications of being fat in them. I learned very quickly to put on a jolly face and just laugh it off. Be a so called friend to everyone and make everyone happy.

But life is life and we can't go around just pretending we are not hurt be cruel jokes. I have been trying real hard to put myself in others shoes. See how it feels to be on the opposite side. Sometimes not a bad place to be. sometimes wouldn't wish it on my enemy. Why do we have to be so mean? Is it a defense mechanism? Are we afraid of what we might see? Who we truly are?


Why do we expose ourselves to some and not too others? What are we afraid of? Pondering again. And Im supposed to be on vacation. Worried free.