4 Years Ago

On this exact day 4 years ago I started a blog, a journey. I was walking today and I realized this was the day I began to write. Oh how far I have come. I am not saying I am there but I am better off where I am today than years ago.

I haven't written in a while. Well I have, I just haven't put it too print. Why? Fears? Uncertainty? I am continuing on my journey but it has taken a different path. I have been trying to find out who I am in Christ. Ok before you turn away, finish reading.

You have to know that only God and God alone can make you happy. Oh I have tried it in my biking, my running and even in my family and Joe. But people will continue to let you down. And I TOO will let others down. Oh not on purpose but we do. The only one who will remain the same as today and tomorrow is God.

I recently was trying to figure out why I was unhappy? For a while I blamed not running. I blamed my staleness at work. I blamed my husband for not loving me the way I loved him. Then as I sat in Church, I was filled with joy, life and newness. You see when I am in the Word all sadness disappears. There is not a trial I can not face if I have Jesus Christ in my life. I use to be afraid to share my faith. God is helping me with that. What does it matter if someone rejects you for your beliefs in HIM? What matters is...is it pleasing to him. I have testimony that He works in me and through me. Please don't get me wrong, I am not a bible thumper. I want you to know that I have a relationship with my God. I want all who read this that that is what is important!

God will walk with you through all things. He has been there in my past and he continues to walk with me. Ask God to be a part of your world and he will.

Life is still Good

Well as I finished the new calendar for the next two month I realized, divide and conquer. One day at a time for that is all I have. I have to set small goals for the day. It is just when the time of the event spills to the next event. I believe me that is how tight the schedule is. Work has been a blessing. We have been jam packed. Thankful- yes for the prior months, I wasn't sure I was going to keep all the hours that I have been working. Feeling the blessing in that. Lately though, patients have been needing that extra TLC. That extra touch, either encouragement or deeper scaling. Whatever the reason, I haven't been getting out right on time. Then I need to adjust the rest of the day. That is really when life gets busy. Work is the easy part. Did I just say that? Yesterday was a great example. I didn't get home til 530, and I knew that I had to get in a 5 mile run and then be to the concert by 7. Well with a quick kiss I was off. Feeling good, I finished with 4 miles under my belt and half mile walk to cool down. 640 and I quick shower and off to the concert, only to realize that it wasn't til 730. So back to home for a quick bite to eat. Dinner that my loving supportive husband made for he is backing my new running schedule 100%. Hmmm God has my back. It all worked with a slight adjustment.
Now today well I am going on a wing and a prayer. Four different places to be all between 5 and 7. Decided to eliminate a run today and show up to only three for a little support. Deciding super mom is not who I am and that is ok. Hug and kiss them and tell them I love them. So glad it is not my week to run them. Know that I will soon be the one next week and we will make it. Glad I know how to work a schedule. Life is still good.

Life is Good

Just when you think that life will slow down a bit. Wham. Just got schedule for baseball games. Wow you should see my calendar now. Color coded in three different colors. Only over lapped about every other day. Carson team now has double header because they only have 5 teams in their league. Trystin's team plays as late as 745 at night because they have lights at their field. Casey meets are still at 4 pm that I will continue to miss because of work. She has a make up one today and I will be able to see that one. I have worked magic to get her next home one off well at least out at 4. Zach is doing bowling and I want to get to one of those too. My phone calendar is lit up like a Christmas tree. Pat has been very good in helping me get the boys to practice for that starts at 430 every day. He is the side coach for Carson team. Joe continues to search for full time employment. But got to say it is nice to come home to dinner already done. Grocery shopping started or at least the essentials bought. Laundry started or finished depending. This next two months is going to take a lot of planning and working it. I have already relied on good friends that their kids play on the teams. But only today I will worry about. Work, run, track meet, hair cut and sushi. That is all today. Good thing I only work til 2.
Did test drive a new car for 40 visa card yesterday at lunch. Tomorrow going to another dealership to test drive a different one for a spa card value of 40 also. Working the free bees. Going to credit union to deposit $10 to get a $10 i tune card. Signed up to be a mystery shopper at the credit union to make $25 for my time. Becoming creative to save a buck. Mom you would be proud.
Waiting for the weather to get warm so the running can be done in the morning before work. Also planning on riding bike to work. Exercising and saving gas all in one. Ok got to go now. Only 4 lunches today to make. Yes!

Heavy sigh...

Crazy little life. Still running on full speed. Many tell me to enjoy and I am not saying I am not. But when you look at things, aren't those things that you really enjoy the things that go slow? Walk in the park, drinking a cold drink on a hot summer day, that first real kiss. Yep I rest my case.
I knew that my life would be crazy when I started having kids one on top of the other. Others warned me it only gets worse. I am not saying it is worse, I am saying I just want to remember some of it.
Waking up today I have a list of things that have to get done. Day off and no day off. I am just trying to see what comes first and needs to get done and what would just be bonus if I accomplish it. Trying to decipher the needs and wants. Got a list a mile long. Waking early with so much on my mind. Didn't even feel like I slept last night. It is so cold outside and wind is whipping. If the weather would just turn nice and stay, that would make life a little easier. I hate running in the wind especially cold northeastern wind. It BITES! I don't want to drive out to the gym cuz gas is expensive and it takes a lot of time that I could use today. Staying home and running would solve a lot of problems.
Thinking I am going to make a list. Divide it into 3 days and go.
Ok no psych analyzing here just needed to vent!

Race Day

Up this early on race day. Ugh. Still get nervous for these things. Not sure why. Just need to finish. Stomach is knotty. Doing the 8k instead of the 5 this year. That could have something to do with it. Shouldn't worry though, I have been in training. Should go good. Weather is suppose to be decent. Kids seem to be excited too. Carson has been doing some running but Trystin thinks he is just going to glide through. And he probably will. Casey has found that the whole Kayner group will be walking so that is good. I have even inspired some of my non exercised co workers to walk. That is good too.
So the day will begin with Church at 9. We have a recording Christian singer there today. I believe the music will be amazing. Then we need to bust butt to get home and get ready. Drop Joe's kids off to friends for viewing the race. Immediately after race, need to get boys to their float that is in the parade that starts at 2. Then after the parade instead of non traditional polish pizza, we are having corned beef and cabbage. Not sure how that one is going to go but...
Warp speed continuing today. Next week I believe a break is needed. Not sure what that will entail but need to slow down and just be. For now going to enjoy my coffee and the quiet morning. Maybe even watch a little Joyce Meyers. Bye for now.

Life Changes

Went to the dr and there is a pretty good chance I won't die of heart disease. My cholesterol is 220 total but my good is extremely good and low is very close to normal. My tri are at 119 and they need to be under 150. I am very happy about that. He said this is proof positive that diet and exercise does work. Back 4 years ago, total was 289. Good was under 20 which mine today is 56. No risk is 60. Very happy. And just think... a good friend of mine once told me that I was a heart attach waiting to happen. Na don't think so!

Warp Speed

Crazy how life can be. I feel like I have been running full speed. I can only imagine how others go through life. Get up to get ready for work, pack any where from one to seven lunches and start delivering one to four children to school and then work. Deal with people who for the most part don't want to be where they are. Come home to make a decent meal for one to seven starving people or head them all off to the gym and work out the body. Only to come home and still feed the pack. Then try to get a head of the next day with anything that I can to make the morning go smoother. Crazy at times.

Looking forward to a less crazy weekend. No wrestling in sight. Only the first race of the season and the kids are excited. It is suppose to be a nice day, in the 50 's. I have been training for this. I have now had 5 sessions with my trainer and I feel the difference. I am going to run 5 today and only do weight training tomorrow and he promised no legs except stretching. He killed the legs last week. He is a runner too so I am fortunate. I feel the body changing but the weight does not seem to want to leave yet. All in time I hope. Started cutting back this week to see if that was it. But haven't been on the scale yet. Feeling good for the effort though.

Went out for St pat last night, only had one drink and left them all for I needed to run a couple times this week and it was Thursday and I haven't gotten one in yet. They understood that I have been working hard to get to this race and 8k have not been on my list much in the past. They were gracious to let me go. It felt good to run in 68 degree weather and shorts. I miss that. I can not wait until I can get out on the road before 6 am and get my run in before the day starts. I feel like I have more free time to do whatever the day call for. It is coming and I will get out there at least 4x a week. I am committed. Carson is going to run with me today. I am looking forward to that. He is starting to slim down and I think even grow. That makes him happy.
All in all, life is good and I have God to thank!

Weekends

Well waking up on a Saturday and I don't have to run out the door to get to a wrestling tournament. That is a good feeling. Suppose to meet with my running group at 7 but rain and sleet is saying to stay inside. Trying to get over a cold and I don't think that cold rain and wind is the best for me. Guilty yes I really enjoy the head guy of the run group. He also teaches a core class at my gym. He is 72 and works us out. He has inspired me to continue on running more. We will even be meeting more on the week days when our schedules work out. He is more busy than me.

Any who, I have signed up for 8 free sessions with a student personal trainer. We have just completed week one. We meet 2 x a week and he runs me through various free weight exercises. Working on metabolism and core stuff. In my fitness test, he did say I was above average. That is good but we already knew that. Didn't we? I made the mistake in telling him that my arms where not sore at all after first session. Guess what they are today. It feels good to feel that soreness. Running is a no brain er. Weights are a different story. I know now why the rich and famous have a trainers. You really don' t have to think about it, just do it. Not sure if I will remember all the weights and exercises he is teaching. I told him I want him to make me up a program. Going to make some bets along the way so I can get a few more trainings out of him before he goes. Hoping to get the most out of free information.

Well back to my free Saturday. Casey and I are going shopping. It seems that she has a gift card burning a hole. Maybe I can convince her to hit the gym first. Can't hurt to ask.

Only What You Can Handle

I have heard in a sermon that fear is the opposite of faith. Does that mean don' t worry? I know I shouldn't. God has my back always. Then why do I worry? Is it because my needs may not be met at my time? Not God's time. I guess that is what I am dealing with now. Not my time, God's time. Not my way-God's way.
Hard one to learn. I do believe that the plan is all laid out. Trying to see the good in all things when sometimes that is blinded. Wondering why things happen the way they do. To work on faith? To work on leaning on others? To work on building a relationship that was not that developed? To discover one's own strengths and weaknesses? Wondering why?
Pondering back to my road, been through a lot. Days went by when I never thought the heart ache would never end. Then it did. Wondering did I learn what I was suppose too? Did I pass some sort of test? No I went to my God and laid it all on his feet. I found out that I am nothing with out him.
When the road gets bumpy and you don't think you can walk another step-give it to God. And I am!

Summer please

Struggling with my workout this week. Not sure why. Nothing has changed. Well millage has but I am struggling to get past the two miles on treadmill. Ugh. That is frustrating. For this is suppose to be my big week. When I don't have to be home at a specific time. My kids are at dad's and Joe is great about making dinner. Not sure if it is the workout or me? I am half way thru the schedule of training for a half marathon. Thinking of repeating the last two weeks to work on stamina. Working on diet this week too. Well that has changed but I would think for the better not the worse. Maybe I am missing the joy in all of this. I do miss the outside. I would much better like to be outside running then on a treadmill. I get so hot so quick. And boring, so boring. I hear that it is going to be nice out next week. In the 40's. Now that would be great. Maybe I will see if the it stays lighter out after work. I haven't even payed attention to that. I just head to the gym and when I come out it is dark.
I think I need a change. Mix things up. I think I need summer. I am ready. Time to get ready for work. Thanks for the vent.

Run Forest

Sunday was the last day I ran. That was a 5 miler. Today the college was open and I was ready to get to it. I knew I was 11 miles behind my schedule cuz of the snow. So hit it hard and I did. It felt great. Running is getting easier. I start to think about quitting at 4 miles instead of 1 and half. Then I think I am so close to 5, I better keep going. I won't get in my 15 this week but I did other things such as biking and shoveling snow. Feeling good about my workout and hoping it shows in the summer clothes. Las Vegas is right around the corner and I can't wait!

5 am the best part of the day

My best friend gave me the best advice...each day we get is a gift and not a given right. Oh I can't remember the rest of the song but I pounded the pavement to that song last nite as I ran outside for first time in a long time. It was 32 degrees and I was out of work on time so hit it and I did. I ended up finishing in the dark but it felt good. With my GPS on my wrist and ear phones on, I was ready to continue on my schedule to complete a 3.5. A lot of people want to run you off the road though. Don't they know that it is slippery on the side of the streets. I had to pick a busy one to run for the sides are still snow covered. I have never given any thought to runners in the past or any considerations to giving them the room to do what they do. I am sure I was swore at a few times. But that is ok.
Life is good. God is good. I believe!

Pondering

As I sat talking to a patient, I was reminded why we do what we do. I have given my working out much thought lately. Why do we do it? Why do others not? Do we feel any better for doing it? Do others care or is it only suppose to be for us? Will it make a difference in today or tomorrow?
Putting in a lot of effort for something that is so important to me. When I don't work out even for a day I feel sluggish. I feel more tired. I feel like I have let myself down. Wouldn't it be so easy to just sit on the couch? Eat what ever I want? At times that is what I want to do but guilt sets in. Good, bad not so sure. I am waking up sore today. Sunday put in a 5 mile run and yesterday a 50 lap swim. Today I think I will go skiing. Trying to mix it up so my body responds. Feeling the winter dull drums setting in. Trying to combat that. Maybe a massage is needed? Maybe retail therapy? Need some sunshine? Oh just some early morning thoughts for a body that feels old today.

Eyes Wide Open

Started out this week with a different attitude. Isn't that all what it is about. We all face different obstacles at all times of our lives but it is how we deal that makes cake out of crumbs. I haven't eaten breakfast yet. Can you tell? I am trying to inspire on my journey. Everyone needs a little of that. I get so much out of my patients that come to me with a plan. A plan on how they want to make their life better this year. I get so excited when I see their eyes light up. Then I get that patient who has every excuse in the book why their lives are ho hum. Why they take 5 different prescription. Why they don't see the crap they are eating is slowly killing them. I just want to scream at them. I know now why Jillian screams. She has to be so frustrated with excuses. I am, and I don't know a whole lot about fitness and exercise. But I know how I feel when I do move and when I do not. It makes a world of difference.
In the past there has been days that I wasn't able to get out and move and my mood reflected it. Ask Joe. I am much happier when I am working on my self. I don't mean just physically either. Some of my past has come back to bite me and I am working on that. The past is the past and it needs to stay there. I was forgiven and I need to remember that. Every day is brand new and all blessing are for the taking. Rejoice in who you are. Remember your self worth. You are sealed with the kiss. Don't forget it!

Week 1

Week one is done of the training in which I started for myself. To be ready to run a half marathon in 12 weeks. I am learning how to bend the schedule a bit. Rest for me this week was staying 12 hours at a wrestling meet. They have to find a better way of doing those. Less than 30 minutes of actual wrestling to hours of just sitting. But I remained at peace and patient. Thought about all the things that I will bring at the next one.
Ok back to training. I ran a total of 12 miles this week. I want to increase that and the schedule I have does just that. Today was the big run...4 miles. I have been running 5 lately. But today it wasn't until 12 and it was only 19 degrees. But the sun oh the sun was grand. I was cold for only half mile and then I warmed up nicely and then I was just HOT. I love my forerunner for it allows me to run where ever I want too. But I got to stop looking at it. At least this time I didn't look at my pace just the mileage. I did my best pace thus far. Well at least in the last 2 months or so.
I feel good. I have a plan. I am committed to go.

Finding That Mojo, That It Thing

Well thinking long and hard. Trying to rustle up all that stuff that makes you who you are and why you do what you do. I think in life we go through a time when we lose site of where we are and where we want to be. I think other things and people begin to take center stage and we lose the balance who and why.
Balance a necessity in success. Struggling with time. Struggling with age. Struggling with being the soul command to shared government. Trying to find "it". And it can change at a moment notice. Depending on the needs of others and myself. Trying to maximizes work with quality and not giving too much that I am spent in the end. Trying to work my body so that it gives me the results I want to see in the minimal time possible. Trying to give time to my kids so that they see that they are a priority to me. But give to self so that they see that self is just as important to the whole picture. Giving time to husband so that he sees the love that I feel. But knowing that the self love is what brought us together in first place. Not losing that mojo if you will.
Spending time in His Word and giving all the glory and thanks to the one who brought me out of the depths and gave me new life. Knowing that all of who I am, I am because of Him. Realizing that God can give you a gift but you have the choice to let it shine or just hold on to it. Knowing that you are where you are because that is where you are suppose to be. Be happy in this. For you won't move on until you learn that lesson. We are all made to do great things. Sometimes what we think are great and what truly is can be two different things.
My thoughts today are that I hope you see your greatness...in your job, in you kids, in your significant other, most important your SELF!