It is Time

Well step one, went to a site to get a schedule of where I need to be to be ready to run a half marathon. I am not saying that is what I want to do yet but I want to train to be ready. I really want to do more triathlons. But I need a plan and I don't have a pool in my backyard. So I figure that on this schedule there is time for cross training and swimming will be one of those times. I figure running is something I can do any time for the most part if the weather permits. But then again if weather is snowy and I can't get to the gym, I ski. Got a whole wonder land in my backyard. At least I have a schedule to follow and I am not wandering aimlessly. I do better when I have goals.
I have signed up for my first race for the new year. St pat on the 2o of march. I have registered for the 8 k instead of the 5 k. It is time to step it up. Registering now is cheaper and commitment is made. Figure on my running schedule I should be very well prepared by then. Looking at losing 15 lbs by then too. Oh how the weight can creep back on so fast. It is amazing how I started this weight loss journey almost 4 years ago. I feel good that I have keeping it off for the most part. I do see the older I get the harder I need to work at it and the body can be some what unkind to injury too. I feel sore sooner than I use too.
Yesterday I went swimming, last time I swam was about a week and a half ago. I woke today to sore shoulder blades. I have to learn to stretch more. Going to incorporate weights too. Got to look up a schedule on that too. Oh how I wish I just had a personal trainer to all the background work. But that is what this week is for. I call it transition week. Getting all the crap food out of the house. Working out a do able schedule and setting some races and goals to a calender. I feel good. I feel ready. Time to clear out the mind and go! Will not be one of those people who has every excuse for why they can't or won't exercise. I have decided to be an inspiration to my patients, know that I can make a difference other than in their mouths.

I am Here

Wow haven't blogged in a while. Surely not because I didn't want too or I had nothing to say. I have plenty to say. Mostly time has not been that kind to me. I have been behind the eight ball for many weeks now. My fault maybe. Busy doing important things or not so important. Depends on how you look at it. I know that I have thought a lot about where I am going and where I need to be. I think when I run. It is the best time for to work out a lot of problems, situations, life. Though the weather has now taken me to the gym. Not a good place to think.
Any way running two days a go outside I made some decisions about how and why. Need to work on the details of all of this and I will write them as I feel the need. Reflected on this past year. The good, the bad and ugly. Need to make the bad and ugly not that way. Need to put that in the "just stuff" category. It is what it is and move on. Life is short -Are you doing what you want? Need to rethink that. Time to set more goals. Physically, mentally and spiritually. Problem I see already is the order. Got that one screwed up already. Got to work on that. Reflect and write it down. Make Time!

Me time

Recharging or just plain lazy? I like to think the later. Home by myself, no one to cook for and no one to clean up after. I run around like a mad women in the day only to come home and collapse in my bed. Check the computer, that is boring. Look on the TV, only junk on. Start to fall asleep and it is only 9 pm. Guess that is what my body says it is time to do until...3am rolls around. Up and wide awake. So do the things I need to do at home. Hair dye for the holidays, check. Get on the gazelle because it is something I can do at my home, check. Thinking I even have time to hop on my bike that Joe brought in from the garage for the winter. Laundry needs to be folded. Nope don't think it is lazy, just my clock is set on my schedule not others.
There are some benefits to having the kids see their dad every other week. I am seeing the blessings. Trying to get back to me time too. That is important. It may not be time spent in the woods chasing the white tail but it is refreshing just the same. Think I am going to get my toes and nails done too this week. Because I can and it's important to me.
Dinner with friends and a little retail therapy that is all good too. Ok got to go the bike is calling my name and I have the time to devote to it.

Oh Nurse

Pain what brings it on. Many types of them. Ones you can take something for and ones you can't. How we deal with that depends on what type.
In the past several months I have watch many I love go through some terrible pain. I am not sure it is harder for the one going through or the one watching them suffer and not sure of how to calm that fear. I think for the caregiver it would be much easier for them to carry the burden. Believe me I am not one for pain especially the internal kind. Cut me all you want but don't give me any type of stomach thing. Can't handle them kinds. Now I know why I didn't go into the nursing business. For the most part I would be" come on it's a little cut. " But we all handle things differently. Emotional pain now that would be hard and when physical and emotional come together...ugh. Hard to handle.
I do believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle also. That, in the past, has helped me numerous times. In times of trials, we grow stronger. We are made to lean on others. We go through so that one day, our experiences are the ROCK for others.
As I run there are times I feel like giving up. It's too hard, it's too long, it's too hot, if it doesn't kill me; it makes me stronger. I am much stronger in so many ways. I am on a journey. I am where I am suppose to be. Giving up, not an option. Turning back, not now. Pressing forward, one step at a time. Looking up and moving one day at a time. I hope that others see and believe also.

REST

What I have come to know this week... After having the kids be with their dad for one week and back to my house, less laundry, less food preparation, less harping with homework, chores and more time for me. Now that they are home this week, we actually played poker and peanuts during the school week time. What I thought would be a downer, God has given a blessing. Rest in the Lord was the message last week at Church. Did I even know what that meant. These two weeks have been a eye opener. I didn't have any time to REST. I have been full time mom for 14 yrs straight. NO REST. Now may be the time for rest. To let the kids realize all that they have been sheltered from. To test wings that maybe I wouldn't have allowed. To give me the refractory time needed for their next stage of life. To give Pat (what ever God feels Pat is ready for) not for me to say. I am beginning to see the growth in all that has come about. Time to connect with my husband more. To develop more of a relationship with my Morgan and Zach. God knows I need that. Many times it takes a long time to see the good in what seems like a uncomfortable situation. I am glad I am starting to see the affects. I am blessed with much and will continue in a positive state of mind.
What about you...did you rest today.
My mom has told me many times "Give it to God and it is as good as done!" Rest in the Lord. And I DID!

Glass Half Full

Waking up today and continuing on path that I have started to enforce in my world. I am trying to set my attitude of gratitude. I am re listening to a series title Minds, Mouth, Moods and Attitude by Joyce Meyers. We all have been dealt cards. It is up to us how we see them and what we do with them. We choose the attitude in which we see all things. We can be miserable or happy. Our choice. Everyone has ups and downs. But do you even see those people who always choose to be happy. I do. I want to be one of those people. I have begun to even before my feet hit the ground, say a little pray to be a blessing in someones life. I pray for a day of half full. I pray for the wisdom to see the other side. I pray for the ability to see that God is in control and to fully understand it. I pray for vision that in all things, good does arise.
If you think of these things even before you get out of bed, so much of life can be different. Positive feelings can make your day. Learning the day by day thing also. For anything more than that is just too much for me right now. It is all good.
I heard on tv yesterday also that don't be selfish and hog your journey, many can learn from it. Wow and to think that is what I have been doing. Makes one think doesn't it?
We are all born so that we some day can die. I want to make the difference. Happy for where I am at and very glad that God does not want to keep me here for that long. Growing, stretching and feeling good in it.

Setting Goals

Now that the sports season for football and volleyball are coming to an end, think I need to make a fitness goal. I need to find something to train for. Need to get back to the pool. That will be in November hopefully when things slow down a bit. Not sure if a half marathon is where I want to go but thinking. I know it is a mind set more than anything. Thinking!

Lawn Service?

Trying to decide if it will really matter in 20yrs. The very strong wind woke me today, one hour before I normally am up. Stretching I begin to remember all the worries I went to bed with. Kids and school top on the list. Home work is hard for the boys. Trying to fit it all in and understand it all, not exactly working. Starts out all good and then BOOM. Trying to deal with their dad with some kind of understanding and trying so hard to stay on an even keel. Soon will be dealing with him in court, not fun. With the saying in the back of my head...Be careful what you wish for? That is an awful way to wake in the morning. So blog. Get it out and move on.
So many things on my mind. Trying to weed through and figure out if it is stuff or STUFF. But isn't it all just stuff. There is a bigger picture. What is important. Be a good person, do the right thing, take the high road and it all works out. Give yourself a break because we ain't perfect. It is one thing to screw up on your own life but when you got the back of three others...UGH! Hoping when they are older, they realize that I did my best-with what I had-at the time. Don't want them to go into counseling for years because of something I did or didn't do for that matter. Just want them to know I love them.
Mom Dad ...You don't have to worry I know you did your best. I know that I am loved. I turned out perfect. Thank you. Hopefully along the way, I have let you know this many time throughout all the' trials and wins ' of my life. You are a direct result of who I am. As time continues on, I hope that will be of great comfort when the road seems to get shorter. It all works out for the best. Sometimes it is hard to see that through all trees. And there is a lot of trees right now where I stand. I hope all your trees are nicely trimmed and groomed.
Will it matter in 20yrs? NO? Yes? Not so sure? Still on the fence!

Race Day

Well Friday night, the day before the race and Joe made a scrumptious meal. Blackened salmon and Indian rice. Yum. Full of antioxidants and protein. I knew I would need that for tomorrow. I am not one to eat before a race and especially this one. So we set the alarm for 5. You could begin to set up the transition area at 6. Well I didn't have to worry about that I was up all night. Between the high winds and crashing waves and the train, I heard everything. So excited was not a word that would be to describe me but I was up and ready. It was still too dark to see the water so we continued on to set the bikes. I only forgot a few things which made me go back to reset. Joe (more prepared than I). Forgot nothing. He was ready and all t's crossed and I's dotted. Hard to believe someone more ready than me. I think I met my match.
Well anyways went back to camp and it was getting lighter. There where white caps! It was cold. With the wind I think it was about 45. Water was a chilly 58. So with a few announcements and a prayer for 9/11, the game began.
First was the half iron men and women, 1.2 miles swim, 56 miles bike and 13.1 mile run. WOW. Then Olympic people next, not sure of the distance at this time but long too. Then it was our turn...quarter mile swim (13 laps or so) 13 mile bike and 3.2 mile run. Seems a lot less but believe me, it is a challenge. So in to the water I go. Can't feel my feet in less than a minute or so. Off we go. The water is very shallow. Most could walk the first half. I tried to swim but many walkers in front, so I walked as long as I could touch. I then began to swim. The waves were crashing over my head every time I took a breath. (Oh my God I am going to die.) I came around the turn around and I thought I need to get to shore. I started to work my way inward and I came up to a guy on raft. He was out there to have a rest if you need it. I did! I grabbed hold and took some breaths and rested. It seemed like forever. I started to see my group going on and I didn't want to be alone so I took off. I realized that side swim would shield me away from the in coming waves. So that is what I did. I couldn't wait to get to where I could touch and then it came. It seemed like hours I was out there but in actuality it was less than 15 minutes. I started running up to shore and passed the timing mat. I was on land!
Now sprint up to transition which is across the road and behind G's pizza. I was less than 3 minutes to remove wet suit and dry feet and put on new shirt and I was on the bike. I don't think I really started to think about anything until I was out of the town area. It was warmer and I started to enjoy that which I was going thru. I was passed by many but I didn't care. The swim was out of the way and I could coast now. A quarter through the race and there was a girl off the road, working on her tire. (off). I asked if she was ok, she said yes. I thought of stopping but with a tire off, there was no way I could help. I continued on. A bit up the road, another girl off the road, "Do you need help?" Yes. Ugh. I knew in my heart that if it was me I would want someone to stop. So I did. Chain all kinked up. I tried to figure it out. But nothing I tried worked. She finally told me that her husband would be coming soon. So I got on and continued. There was only one large hill that we had to conquer. I knew that coming back that hill would be time to rest. I was very happy to see the turn around. Even though the biking was quite easy, I knew that the 5 k was a head of me. Running had become very challenging for me this summer and I just wanted it too be done.
So coasting into transition once again and less than 1 minutes there I was off and running. Side note...I had one co worker and two very good friends and their daughter cheering me on all the way. They where loud and very visible during all three events. I am thankful for that. Support during this is key! Another side note, I passed Joe on the bike event about half way. They started after the women in the water. I almost missed him.
So off and running. Well I wouldn't call it running, my feet where still numb. They felt literally like jello. I felt like I was standing still. I made it to big boys(restaurant) and made a turn. Surely I was half way done. No upper around a blinded corner was a mile marker 1 mile. Are you kidding me? So I continued on. I was tired. I was looking for Joe. I should pass him soon, I thought. Finally at the 2 mile I see him. We meet in the middle of the road for a quick kiss. Then we both where off again. Ok now I am on a straight away to the finish. One mile to go and it is done. I want to finish strong so I walk for a bit. Regain my strength and go. Less than a quarter to go and the crowds are there. Cheering. I hear my name but see no faces. I know they are there but I just want to finish. I sprint across the line. I am a finisher of a triathlon. I am proud. I set a goal and I did it. So sweet, so happy soo tired! Rachelle, Michelle, and Jamie where there to hug and congrats me. And the tears began to fall. WOW Emotions of every kind...feeling. I composed myself and waited for my husband. What seemed to be forever, I see him. He finished too. I was so proud of him. His knees are shot and he still did it.
After taking a break, we went out for lunch with our good friends. I just wanted to rest and enjoy our anniversary day. Mid way through our lunch, Joe pulled out a box. He told me that he wanted to continue on our journey. I was super surprised to see and anniversary ring. It is a thin band of diamonds that compliment my wedding ring. It is beautiful. If you know Joe, frugal doesn't begin to describe him.
I am very blessed in so many ways. I am strong. I am looking a head for the next tri. It will be in 2011. I know I can and I will continue. I know that I have encouraged others to do it too. My co worker will be doing the next one with us. This has be quite the experience. I know that if I wouldn't have been on this journey that was started 10 years ago, I would have never been hear and writing about this. Stay with me and enjoy it too. The best is yet to come!

Day Of Rest ...Ha

Well two days after the most physical thing I have ever done. I am up and I should be sleeping. But 4:30 is in grained in my sleep pattern. Ugh. No that is good because if you would have asked me on Saturday is more Tri's in my future, I would have answered with a I don't know. But today as well as yesterday I have been planning a work out schedule. I want to do more of them.
Looking back...very exciting. I wish I had someone to type it all out. I am slow and my mind is fast. I want to write it all down to remember.
We got there on Thursday. Got a campsite right on the beach. Beautiful! That alone was reason to celebrate our first year. Swim course wasn't even set for it had been very windy the day before. Test the water out I say. Cold did not describe it. Freezing more like it. They said it was 68. A guy who was also racing had a gauge in it...62. I need a wet suit. After setting camp up, Joe went back to Bay city for a Dr appt so I had time to shop.
First place was a store that looked to rent wet suits. No luck. I continued on. Every store I entered was my first question...Do you know anywhere I can rent a wet suit? Mid way I spotted a neck less in the window that caught my eye. I walked into a art studio where a meeting of the artist was going on. I was about to walk out and they said come on in. The artist of the neck less showed me it. We got in a conversation and I asked her the question of the day. She thought she still had hers from long ago. She took my number and off I went. Not in a million years did I think I would here from her, I got a call. Rent it for 25 or buy it for 50. No question SOLD!
Now Joe's not back yet and I need to try this thing out. Still light out and a bit of sun still around but that water BRRRR!. To swim alone not a good idea but I needed to know. So I decided to swim the length there and back but not go past the buoys. So in I go. I don't feel my legs any more. Under...UGH! That was shocking to say the least. But I got to try. So I began and all the practicing I did, went out the window. I had to keep my head up. Way too cold to keep it down. I did it. It felt like hours in there but I know I was only in for 20 minutes or so. My feet well I couldn't even feel them. I walked up the beach back to our site and our neighbors had a fire going. I stopped to chat. I knew I needed to get to a shower and fast.
After rewarming my body, I felt a sense of accomplishment. To do that with no Joe around was good. I knew that I could do this. But nothing would have prepared me for the day of the race. Water temp 58. Winds out of the south west I think. Cloudy and waves that where 10 feet, I hear. But more on that later. Work is calling. Stay tuned.

Still Learning Lessons

Well still must be working on the that control thing. Haven't learned the lesson. Weather out of my control. Boy has it changed. Much cooler which is good but windy. Seriously? Whatever happened to 65 and muggy at 5 am. Gone. Wind was good then. Now the water temp has gone way down. Still I continue on. The race is not about winning. It is not about even a race. It is about what I set out to do and doing it. Stomach is starting to feel like knots. Or is that because it is the first day of school. Oh I have one that is just like me. He was up at least two times last night. So many good things I see in my kids and then the bad too. Ugh don't want them to become worrier like their mother. Still working on it. Have come a long way since me and God started to walk hand in hand. But still times when I want to lead.
Looking at all the schedules of all my kids, Joe and his kids, I have to realize my best bet is to take it day by day. There is no way I can do it any other way. None! This is going to be a very big challenge for me. Just going to have to let go of perfection and it may be peanut butter and jelly some days.
Long ago I just wanted to be a mom. Making breakfast every morning, getting kids to school, making sure the house was clean, grocery shopping. Do some stuff for my self before they all came home. But life changed and so did I. I am more than I ever imagine.
Ok four more days til race day. I am blessed. I know it. I can do it.

Poker Face...

I knew the day would come. I know that he is not bad. He loves them so much, I see it. I know that they love him too. I know if I was there, I would have fought a long time ago. Time is short and they are getting older. Soon they will be on their own. I know it is the right thing to do. I know I gave them my very best when I was the only one around. I know it was challenging to say the least. I know that they will not be with me for much longer. I know that they are torn when we talk about it. But we are both their parents. They will be missed when they are not here. SAD is not a strong enough word. But that is the cards and I need to make a poker hand out of it. Learning that one from my dad. Thanks dad.

New Chapter.

Well what was suppose to be a big week of running, biking and swimming has really not worked out at all. Only ran 3x this week, swam once and biked not so much. Kids events came first and priorities followed. I am just glad I have been working hard at least four weeks prior. I really don't know how people do it. Find all the time to train, work, be a mom and wife and everything else. I knew that to get the run I had to do it when no one was up. That way I was only taking my time not any one else is. This weekend consists of getting new shoes for all. I have been wanting to do that for weeks and some how things got in the way. Figure out all school schedules and what they need to begin. Oh and did I mention hair cuts. And to squeeze the last bit of summer out before Tuesday. That means boating, campfires and cook outs. Wow I can't wait til the first day. Then all that laundry. Home work. Practices that they can't miss. Maybe splitting time with there dad won't be so bad. Can't take it personal. I was blessed to have them to myself for 10 years. I hope it made a difference. Heavy sigh.

Getting Closer

Tri suit is in. Well at least I m not going in this for looks. Went swimming in it yesterday. Running in it today. One pieces never did fit very well. Not sure anything else will dry as quick as this. We will see.
Today begins count down. Sept 1st and only 10 days left. I remember this time last time and count down was also beginning. I wonder if( no) I know that this event is much more scary then last year. I was secure and confident in my decision. Not so much on this race. I could drown. Ha ha don't think so. Swimming I feel good in the water. Worried much more about exhaustion at the end on the run. Not sure how long this will take, never did all three at once. Sept 11 will be the first. Nervous can not begin to say how I feel. What a way to celebrate your 1st anniversary hey?
Good thing I am only working til Wednesday this week and only Tuesday and Wednesday next. I will be busy getting kids ready for school to even think of it. But come Thursday and we got our camp site then ugh! Rambling on... got to go for a run.

Up no alarm...habit

Grateful for waking up and feeling good. Was going to take the day off from running and decided that if I get up on my own it was time to run. So couple minutes on the computer and I am off. Running has become a habit, like they said it would in 21 days. Feels good especially at 6 am when I am done. And I love the not feeling guilty when I come home after work. Work out is in and I can do other stuff. Today is cutting grass. Don't mind it but love the fact that now I have a husband that will do it. But time has got us both this week. Too many plans for the weekend to wait on this one. Work first and then play. I am out of here.

Here I Go

Woke up today and it is raining. Ugh three days off from running and I know I got to go today. If I don't it will be like starting all over again. I don't want to do that again. And what if it rains on the day of the tri, then what. I got to do it. This week also I was rejoining the gym. Vacations are officially done and the pool is open again. I need to start to run in the morning and swim in the evening. So here it goes. Officially less than three weeks til the day. Stomach already feeling like knots. Amazing what the mental can do isn't it. It can carry you or destroy you. Choice is yours. Running at 5 it has carried me. Running after work, destroyed me. All a state of mind and don't forget 50 % humidity. That heat was killer this summer but I am not complaining. I think for the most it seems to be gone but than again so does the summer. I can not believe the kids are going back in two weeks. Where did it go? We have so much more to do. But between Casey to volleyball, and band, T and Carson at football, there is no time.
Time a precious commodity. More we need the less there is of it. Once again trying to make 25 out of 24. Just can't do it. But still trying. Sleep is what seems to suffer these days. I do know the importance of it too. Well the rain seems to have stopped for the moment. It is dark and wet and going out there is the last thing I want to do on a Monday morning but...

Running Why?

Dealing with so much stuff. Running helps. Let's go of stress and the feeling after is incredible. Did an afternoon run yesterday and that just reminded me why I get up so early. Energy is much better than working a long day and running on no steam. I will take 5 am any day. But it is getting colder now. I will have to wear long sleeves today. Just think that only 5 days a go I barely wore a tank and that was too much.
I smell fall. This time I am going to embrace the winter. Meet it head on and enjoy. Life is short and underlying things are making it more aware to me. Rejoicing in the fact that I have my God and that is what get me through the day. Realizing the life is a gift and not a given right. If your haven't come out of something recently, then your in it. It is just how it is. Or you have come out of it and hopefully you have learned all that was needed to learn. Or you betcha you are going to go through again. Been there and done that.
I run because I can. I run because I am. I run because...

Rain Drops

Day off yesterday, needed the rest. But guilt set in about 2 o clock in the afternoon. So here I am ready to get up and go. Still very warm and humid out there. It rained all nite and hard. Heard it all. I thought rain was suppose to put you to sleep, not keep you up.
It has been a challenging week. Work has been stressful and I need a break. Looking forward to some R and R for the weekend.

Week 2

Second week and still fully committed. Ran 6 x this past week and it felt pretty good for the most part. Today didn't get out there until after nine and the humidity was well under ways. Setting the clock for 430 again. Legs are feeling stronger and stomach is taking the early morning much better than the later day. Going to try to get a few rides on the bike too. No kids this week so there is no excuses.

Dealing with other issues that have nothing to do with running. Working them out in the run. One good thing about the early morning is that there is no one out there, I mean no one. I have to admit I find myself singing out loud too. Good time to talk to God. All good.

Where Does the Time Go?

Well day two. Good I am up. Trying to recall the feelings of yesterday. Very good run 2.7 miles and cool out. Remembering getting out of work and feeling the heat, so glad that I had a run in. I felt good all day. If you watch any TV there is a commercial about that-one good deed leads to another. Less garbage in your mouth when you already ran and stretched . Hoping that continues. Plan to run the same run today. Joe knows it and I wake him before I go. Safety first! Gotta stretch, leg felt good last night and seems ok now. Well that is the update. Time seems to fly in the early morning.

Early

Well I am up. Not so sure about this running this early. Youngest son couldn't sleep last night so he thought mom shouldn't either. Finally don't remember seeing 1 o clock so that is good. Leg is aching so did some stretching that my PTA advised me of. We will see. Planning on 2 miles slow and steady today. Not going to over due it.

Going to continue to work on diet and portions this week so to get the stomach on not wanting all those unwanted carbs. That is a tough one. Taking the hula hoop to work also. Gonna get in 10 minutes some where.

I got a plan , an outline, going with that. It is just a guile line though. I know that I am a different place that I was 3 years ago. Ok got to go for now.

Sound Off...

How's it going? High yesterday and today still there but not as much. Plan still in brain and going to just take it day by day. Gonna use the blog as my journal. Food and activity journal in my purse. Writing it all down. Something a bit different though when I started long ago- not married! Big difference. Husband can be friend as well as foe. He eats differently and I don't want to take that away. As he grabbed the humus with the pita chips, I grabbed cukes! Good choice. Went grocery shopping and bought a lot of nuts, berries and seeds. Made homemade salsa and going to put some black beans in it for snack, just serve it in a cup instead of chips.
Ran this morning and around the two miles, legs ached. Took a break and walked a bit but continues on the the other mile. Not sure of what the plan of attack for the run schedule but told hubby that it has to happen in the morning before work because after is just not cutting it. So once again clock is set for 430 on work days. Gonna see how it works. I know how to bend but I have to start some kind of plan. So once again, this is my sounding board. Welcome!

6 week 1 day

Well been thinking about this for some time. Now to put into action. We set the date many months ago triathlon Sept 11 ...perfect. Now is the time to get serious. Rest time is done. I have been slacking and that is ok for a period but it is time. Clothes are snug and I don't like that. So perfect time to start a strict regiment. Time to eat like Jillian says. If it ain't got a mother or it doesn't come from the ground DON'T! Gonna give it a try. I need to sweat off 10lbs in 6 weeks. I know I can do this. I have done it and can again. Energy is up and the will is there.
Started back to serious running one week ago. Took one day off in 8 days and running is better now. Endurance is much more and stomach doesn't hurt until almost the end. I feel positive again in it.
So my dear friends, I need encouragement and support. God leading all the way I can do this!

Not a Bed of Roses

Been along time since I ve done this. Not that I have thought about it. Summers have become worse than any other time of year. Go Go Go. Which can be good but not lately. Need to find the vacation in my mind. The one you don't have to pack for. It seems to be so much work getting ready for it and it is done in a flash and the after stuff is crazy. The kids go to their dad's and I usually spend the whole week getting back to normal ( if there is such a word). I think I need to redefine normal again. Laying in bed I decided to give myself a break. Really this is the first year of me with a new family. Past is gone and new traditions are becoming. Need to realize that it is ok and new people mean new ways of seeing old situations. Working on it. Hubby has been patient. Church helps a lot. Sunday message was we don't have to be right. But having some sorta of peace in the house, life, and family. We need to communicate what our expectations are and how they are or aren't being met. Not being about right but understood. Being flexible, less bull headed, working on it. I have a good man. That was a gift. I am right where I am suppose to be. Not perfect but peaceful!

R u blind, Deaf and?

What to do when you see things that just shouldn't be? You want to scream don't you see this and how can you be so blind. Tried hinting but that didn't seem to work. Tried out right saying Hey this isn't right and something needs to change. Hmm still didn't work. Is it me? Or is it them? Sometimes I wonder? I keep going back to something I heard in Church...be the change you want to see in others. Easier said then done. But what if they are soooo blind. Do we all get it at some point? Not so sure. Maybe just need to walk away. Take a break. Continue on my path and hope they see the way. Giving it up to Him today.

Let Go..Let God

Moments have turned into seconds, minutes, hours and days. In a blink, life happened and all rose to the occasion. Now it is time to reprogram, recharge batteries that have been flashing. Time to sit and figure what is important and what is just stuff. It is times like these that I think we all realize that. Time to say NO again. No to unimportant stuff. No good to anyone if you your really not there at all. So quiet myself and ponder, think and pray for the who and what is important. Life continues even if you want it to stop for a moment to catch your breath. Need to take some serious deep breathes now. Gonna!

Grateful

Many reasons to be thankful...First and for most. My dad made it through surgery. He loves me and I love him! Second reason which is so not important...I passed my exam! Yes! No more school. Life is good!

Why Too Cool

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=WUQYJ77qa50

Go to the Store

A time to give, a time to receive. Must be learned equally. But why does it seem hard to do one at one time and than the opposite. Kind of like we must love each other including those who do us wrong again and again. Lessons being taught so much right now. Growth happening all around me. I see it and it is alive and well. Or was it always there and I was blind to the Teacher.
Hmmm thinking, processing and not sure the output yet. Eyes are opening to what I am suppose to see and learn. Who would have guess life would lead me here. Not me. Ask anyone, who knew me. Now ask anyone who knows me now. They are not surprise, nor me. I am glad I am finding the way. I am glad I stayed the journey. I know I was lost but now I am found. Blind but now I see. Life is good. Sometimes buried deep down just waiting to be discovered. Do you have the shovel?

Under Construction

Finding time to do all that is required and all that is wanted. Hard to do. Struggling with the past and how it was and the present in how it is. Trying not to lose all that was started but trying to find the happy medium that satisfies me and all that are in my life. Feeling all the outside worries, trying to rely on faith. Wondering when the next big workout when come and trying to squeeze the little ones in when the bulk of time seems to fade. Keeping on the path that was set but not letting it become the Almighty. Finding it hard to balance and be peaceful in the decision that is already set in stone. Patience that seems to elude me every time. Working on that one life long. Seeing that fairness isn't always seen right away. Time sometimes is the essence. Watching all things come together. Wondering why it took this long. Searching for some answers. Wondering if it really matters. Still believing that best is yet to be, even if we can't seem to see how that could be. Relying on faith...still work in process. Knowing it shouldn't be!

Testing Time

Well, time to finish the last of one of the goals that I started earlier this year. It is testing day for national board for local anesthesia. Nervous, anxious, and just plain excited to get this completed. Has been hanging over my head for a month now and finally I can take the exam.
But in this last month, so many things have come to my attention that makes taking this test, just that a test. It doesn't make or break who I am or what type of hygienist I am. It is just one more hoop I need to jump thru. I have studied hard and I can do it. So when you read this, say a little prayer. We can all use a little more of that. Realizing that it all needs to be put in perspective.

Never Say Never Again...What?

Boy, has that phrase bit me in the butt more than one time in the past couple years. It will probably will again for the next many also. Well the Easter bunny has visit our home. Didn't think I would be having him over so soon. I was looking to fact when the grand kids would visit and the bunny would return. Thinking maybe in 10 years or so. But life twists and turns and we have the Easter bunny, Santa and the good old tooth fairy visiting again. Isn't life funny? This year the bunny had lots of help. Thanks Kc. Stuffing at midnight was the hardest thing. I think I saw a glimpse of that furry bunny at around 4. I guess he was busy at others house at midnight.
Any who, life changes. Life is good and I am a lucky girl. Thanking God for all the blessings I have received. Glad I stayed the journey.

We Are All Winners...Maybe Even Winers (at the end)

Well the race is over and the work is done. Finished two classes this weekend and finished my first of many races. Overall thoughts...feel good about what I have done. But what I feel most proud of is that my kids, all three of them completed the race too. Casey who walked it finished in a decent time. She was smiling and decorated herself for the theme. Trystin whom never has run a race or even ran than more a mile, did a 5k in 25.49. Wow super proud of that. Told him that he should start to run. And Carson, the one I worry about the most. He has the self esteem of a champion. I knew he would struggle and wasn't prepared but would wait for him at the finish line. He came in 35.45. Tears flowed and I knew they would but there was a sense of pride there. I am proud of all of them. Even my husband, who I didn't see in the beginning and barely seen him in the end, I was proud. Proud of the fact that we are working on health in our house. We are trying to feel better about ourselves. It is a process. Hopefully we can get the kids in more events. We will see. The consensus last nite is "I am sore and my legs hurt"...ahhhhhhhh

Almost There

Journey almost completed, well at least one of my endeavors. My college class is done today hurray. I would yell that loud and clear but everyone is sleeping right now. I can honestly say I don't want to go back to school. Well this may be different if I was doing something that I liked or wanted to learn. I think the clinical part of this was good but as for the book work UGH! Now I feel a bit for Casey. She studies hard and I do appreciate that. As for the boys not so much. I only have the state board to pass and I can't do that for a couple weeks. I will continue to study. I have a new found respect for anyone who holds a full time job, is a parent and trying to go to school. There is truly only 24 hours in a day and they need many more. I can not even imagine doing this as a single parent. And I know that is what alot of people do. I am thankful for my husband. Funny how things happen and how life progresses. Ask me five years ago, nope would have never thought I would be doing the things that I am today. Grace of God.

Church class will be done soon too. Two more classes before the banquet. I have one more thing to recite. You would think I would know it from my vast Catholic history but all the memorized prayers are getting jumbled up in the head. I pray from the heart now. Like He is right in front of me. This part of the class I feel is not necessary. Just going to wing it. What can they do, not pass me? Will be very glad when that is done. The next step will be in becoming a usher and taking on other roles in the church.
Running continues to be a challenge. Swimming is a enjoyment and biking just is. I will work more on that as the weeks roll on.
Still trying to control the stress 0f not having a vehicle. Sold my car on Craig's list one month ago and we continue to look for the car that we want. Ford expedition is what we want. Low miles, bells and whistles and low price. Still resting in the Lord for that one. Has caused some conflict but we are working it out.
Well promised the kids biscuits and gravy before I left for school. Got to get going. Thanks for the ear. Wish me luck, well a prayer would be nice. Learning patience, perseverance, and the fact that school still sucks. Ha ha did I say that?

In Process...Working On It...Hoping To Achieve It...

Life has been a bit challenging lately. I continue to attend my class for work. I have come to realize that I forgot how hard college really is. In the real world, I have achieved the ability to charm my way. Use all that I have learned to Obtain what is needed. In school there is none of that, well yes there is. I continue to do good in the lab part where we do the actual numbing of patients. That is easy. I have sample state board test that I have started to study and that is mind boggling. I am lost. Especially when it comes to the pharmacological aspect of it all. GREEK! To think that I knew this at one time, not so sure. I continue to pray that I know enough to pass.
The class at church has become a good thing. Not so much for the contents of it all but for the people that I have come to know and develop a new relationship with. Last week was Foot washing. Hmmm seems like a non significant act but it was quite eye opening. Letting someone serve you and you them. Quite spiritual.
As I enter this church many years ago, I was searching. Trying to find a home in which I felt safe, excepted. Many faces where there. Faces are now becoming names. Names are becoming friends. Friends are becoming hugs. That is what I was searching for. Not to mention a husband too. Ha ha you laugh but that was not a joke. I just had the personals as a little help too.
So on too my physical challenge. I continue to go work out pretty much daily. If I am not walking at lunch, I am biking in my bedroom. I purchased a stand with some Christmas money and got dad's bike a tune up. It seems to work fine again. Thought about buying new but this one seems to do what I need. Last nite I swam a half mile without stopping or even touching the walls. I was very proud of that. When I started (Casey informed me) I could only go to the wall and back with out dying of air. I have befriended many new people in my quest for trying to learn how to breathe in the water. Most of them are in their 60's and 70's but they seem to know what they are talking about. It is funny that we don't realize how important our body is until we come to that moment that tells us that we aren't going to live forever. So reach that ah ha moment early in life and some when they get up there. I am thankful for reaching it now.

I ran outside for the first time in months last week. The air was still cool, and my lungs suffered. I am convinced that tread mill running and outside running is very different. I continue to run outside and will opt that as much as the weather holds out. I have gone as least four times this week and it seems to be easier all the time. I feel very strong. I continue to struggle with the five pounds that I have gained. I wanted to be down 10 by St Pat's race but that seems to not be priority. Not sure why but the body doesn't want to give it up. Or I just don't want to be so restrictive in my diet. Oh I know that is the reason. I need to work on it.
I continue to move forward. I am trying to find time for all of those people and things that seem oh so important to me. I am looking forward to the end of my first two challenges so that I have the summer to focus on the last. I continue to pray for none of this possible with out God in my life. I am determine, opened and focus on what I need too do. I will continue this journey until it leads me home.

Too Much? Or Long Over Due?

Well my mental goal for the new year is starting this weekend. I will be taking a weekend course at Delta college. I will be learning to anesthetize patients. Not really looking forward to this one. It has been over 20years that I have been in a class room. Oh yea I go to the 12 hours for lectures that I have to do to keep my licence. But not where we have to actually work on patients or take a board in Lansing. Ugh!
Worried in many ways. Knowing that this is something that I knew I would have to do in the long run. Been putting it off for a long time. Decided it was time. Thought since I am doing this over haul in my life, no time like the present.
Wondering this morning as my body hurts (did a hour and half) training session in the gym last nite, which goal of mine will hurt the worse? Feel the best when completed? Feel to the core in the middle of doing it.
When I started the new year I never really thought about what I was doing. I sign up for the mental challenge in the fall of last year because that is when the course was offered. I signed up for the Understanding God course last fall but realized that was too much to do after being newly married. So this was the next session, the spiritual. As for the physical, I knew I didn't want to run 26 miles( no offense Darrin), but to swim a little and bike and run. Well that sounds like a winner. So Sept 11 a sprint triathlon is set. Yes that is our 1st anniversary and we are doing it together. No competition there.
So there are days like today that I can't sleep and I wonder if I bit off more than I can chew. Then I wonder if I wasn't pushing myself a little more to get where I need to be? Hmm just a thought. Outside the box? Oh yea WAY!

Purpose Driven Life hmmm

Interesting week to say the least. Much soul searching with my patients. I have begun to take a new approach in my work. I am seeing new ways for seeing many things. I have been sharing a bit more of who I am and what I am going through. I am taking time to get in their heads too. Interesting that most just need an ear. Cleaning many times is just the icing on the cake.
Today I ran across a man who didn't believe in the after life. I listen to his thoughts. I did share with him that I was taking a course at my church called Understanding God. By the end of the appointment, he said that when he returns in the summer he would like a synopsis about what the course was and what I had learned. Seeds again and I will plant them.
Fine line about what you talk to your patients...hmm but look at all the crap they put on the TV and radio. A matter of opinion I think. You can' t listen too a christian station but you can listen do how someone smokes crack. This world just doesn't make any sense. Becoming more and more apparent to me. Choices- we all have them and we all need to make them for ourselves and what we know to be the truth.
I have been dwelling for the last couple of years with where is my purpose. What I am suppose to do to make the difference? Could it be in "just cleaning teeth"? I didn't think so . I always thought I was meant to do something else. Something more worth while. But what, where and when. Never really realizing that I now am doing good work. I don't need to stand out just to stand out. I need to stand out only for him. In standing out for Him, He will show the way to many I come in contact. I think I am starting to get it. I am a good mom. I am a good hygienist. I have purpose. That is a good thing to realize. The funny thing is that
I am the only one that needs to know this.

Looking at New Goals for a New Year

Well I am trying to create a few new goals in my life. I have quit working at weight watchers for the love just wasn't there anymore. Too many were not seeing the value in themselves and it was always in the scale. Believe me, I was there too. But we need to go beyond. Weight is a number and we are more than that. It is too hard to achieve that all so perfect number and not stray away from that. Oh don't get me wrong, I am not giving up. It will be a lifelong journey for me. I know that. But realizing that this is my life and if I want that cookie it is ok. Just can't eat the whole box. Then I need to go and do something about the cookie. Moderation is key people. Calories in is calories out.
Reading a great book. So many of the 'so call foods' out there are making us FAT! I knew for a long time that the diet in the pop could not be good. It is man made. It is not natural. I have made a decision for my house. I will continue to read labels. I will do it more. I have always choose fresh and I am determined even more to do so.
In reading this book, I have realize- to do all that is suggested would take a lot of time, energy and money. So I am trying to eliminate a little by little. I have plans to cut what I buy at the local chain food store. I have decided I will have to stop a couple times a weeks at the local produce store. Buy the veggies that are half way to the trash can be used in the next couple of days for our dinner. I don't have to buy the half ripe anything because it won't be sitting in the crisper drawer for a week or two only to be thrown out.
I am excited about my thoughts on nutrition. Not to mention I have a lot to talk to you about when it comes to my physical new out look and my spiritually ones. But that is another day. Just to let you know I am here. I am not going away or even fading away.

Early Morning Thoughts

Figuring it all out. Hard to do. Did I tackle too much at one time? Is all I have set for dinner too much on my plate? Trying to find the 24th and half hour. So many things I want to push for- to go beyond my comfort zone. Giving my permission to go ahead til it hurts, maybe. Saying NO. Feeling ok with that? Organizing so I don't take away but offer more. Changing so that they take a second glance or give it a thought. Praying that it is the change that I want to see in others. Stopping the guilt before it consumes me or at least prevents me from accomplishing. Walking away from all the drama that this world provides. Last and not least, smell the roses that I am given every day.

Jouney On!!!!

Not forgotten. I have been on a thinkin kick. Trying to find time to write it all down. Stretching beyond my box both mentally, physically, and spiritually. Exhausted...Hmmmm not sure I have had the time to even consider that? Will update you when I know where I stand. Prayers I need them. Once again the journey continues!